  Warning-- this post is gonna be long, drawn-out, and possibly tedious to read... but you may be fascinated by this tale of how fucked up the behind-the-scenes of public eduction really is. The latest snafu in a long, long line of education profession-related snafus was (cross-my-fingers-knock-on-wood) resolved yesterday afternoon. With just three days to spare before the start of the 2004-05 school year, I am once again certified to teach English in a West Virginia secondary school, albeit once again temporarily. I majored in English and completed a MAP (Maryland-approved) education program at Frostburg State University; I graduated in May 2002-- with B.S. English and a MD Teaching Certification (English, secondary schools). I was told by various professors in the teacher education program that my MD Teaching Cert was reciprocal in 40+ states (meaning having my cert was the same as having their own cert).
Nick Janowitz at urlLink CollegeHumor posted a gem of an article on August 10th entitled "Why I Can't Get Girls" that included this excerpt that I strongly relate to: " Having a good major : The only aspect of college that could possibly translate to the real world is that of having a good major. In college, having a good major (read: anything not English. Or that ‘health and society’ shit, whatever that is) means that you’ll have a good job, which means that you’ll live comfortably, which means that your girl will have six trillion pairs of shoes. Engineering majors get hired to retire. Pre-med majors get hired into ninety years of education and training before they earn their mansion and trophy wife. English majors just don’t get hired.
I didn’t have a good major in college and I don’t have a good job now and if there’s any word to describe my dating prospects, it’s certainly not . . . good. " After graduation, my job prospects were slim to none in this area. In Western Maryland, you are in one of three states of employment: unemployed (and not making shit), soon-to-be unemployed, or employed (but still not making shit).
Because of the poverty-stricken nature of the area, all of the teachers who should have retired ten years ago are hanging on to their jobs for the paycheck (which is peanuts, but more peanuts than the pathetic pension they'll collect). I got on as a substitute and barely made ends meet. My first attempt at securing a fulltime teaching position came midway through that school year. The opening was in Pennsylvania, and resulted from a teacher who had to suddenly retire due to medical reasons (the real truth-- he had a mental breakdown and declared himself psychological unable to continue). Was my MD Certification good in PA? Nope.
I had passed the required Praxis I and II tests (teacher ed tests required for cert in every state), but PA did not accept scores received on computer-based versions of the Praxis I tests (which were the versions that I had aced, of course). I was granted an "Emergency" PA Certification and filled the position as a longterm sub, but was not retained permanently (for the cert reason and a myriad of other bullshit factors-- politics, etc). I was prepared to endure yet another year as a substitute when a position opened up in a nearby West Virginia county just two weeks before last school year began. Was my MD Certification good in WV? Nope. WV Cert required one additional Praxis II test that MD did not require.
However-- I was the only applicant for the position... and the county needed a teacher immediately, so I was granted a Provisional WV Certification and hired for the position. This position was permanent, but I needed to pass that additional Praxis II test before the beginning of the 2004-05 school year. Then my Provisional (which would by then would have expired) would be replaced by a standard WV Certification. Extra test, piece of cake, no problem. I procrastinated, knowing that I'd pass it with little trouble. Fooling around was a good thing this time, though, because in April I received a letter from the WVDE (West Virginia Department of Education) informing me that new legislation had been passed.
This new law basically decreed that effectively immediately, any out-of-state teaching certification had reciprocity in WV. Congratulations, I thought-- I just saved $150 on a test I didn't want to take anyway. Towards the end of the school year, the personnel director from the county board of education came a'callin' about my new certification. He needed my extra Praxis II score. I told him about the letter I received and that I didn't have to take the test. All I needed to give him was my MD Certification information.
He said he'd call me about it over the summer. I forgot about the whole thing. First week of summer vacation, I get a phone call from Personnel. He needs my MD Cert stuff. I call FSU's education department, assuming they've got what I need on file. Nope.
I passed the program... but I don't have a cert number. I have to formally apply with MSDE (Maryland State Department of Education) for that. So I call MSDE. I have to send them all my college information and copies of my Praxis scores. Then they'll take anywhere from 30-90 (! ) days to review the materials.
If I qualify, then they'll send me an application form, which I must fill out and staple a $10 check to and send back to them... then they'll send me my MD Cert that I thought I had all along. 30-90 days = oh shit. I call county personnel back and tell him that my MD Cert is "on its way, should be here any day now" and that I'd call him as soon as I had the thing in-hand. Doubt and worry begins. Could the MSDE people possibly take 90 days to check four papers? Two weeks later, county personnel calls me up and wants to know how I was getting my MD Certification through the mail.
Another prospective hire needed to apply for hers and didn't know the process. County personnel was under the impression that a MD Certification needed for WV reciprocity could not be obtained in the manner that I was obtaining it. This impression of his worries me. I've always had this sense that personnel has been just looking for an excuse to get rid of me, being that I was only a last-minute consolation hire. A lack of WV certification would be the perfect out for them. I log on to MSDE's cert website and start to read the fine print.
The fine print states that I was to receive what was called a MD Certificate of Eligibility. This "CE" was given to applicants that graduated from a MAP program and passed all required Praxis exams. I also notice something called a MD Standard (I) Certification. This had the same requirements as the CE, but also included one more-- applicant signed a contract with a MD school system. This worries me a little more. I call WVDE and tell them I've got a MD CE and am just making sure that that works for the new reciprocity law.
I am told that a CE is not the same as a certification, and will not suffice. Oh. Fuck. I call county personnel with the website address listing MSDE's certification instructions for his prospective hire. I omit my findings about the MD CE. What he doesn't know won't hurt me.
If I tell him of my problems now, he can get pink slip me immediately and have most of the summer to find a replacement. "I am the Shit," I remind myself, and I will figure out a fix. I check the Praxis signup webpage. The next test date is in September. Sonnavabitch. So I call MSDE and whine and beg for a MD Standard (I) Certification, claiming that if they don't give me one I'll join the ranks of the thousands of unemployed in Western Maryland.
The heartless bitch with whom I was speaking was not impressed, however, and basically told me "tough titty. " Then I called WVDE back and whined and begged for them to take a MD CE anyway, and they reiterated "tough titty. " Panic grips me for a moment-- but I remember ("I'm the SHIT") and come up with a genius idea (that only a smart bastard like me could). Just because WV won't take a MD CE doesn't mean that another state won't... and surely one of the other 47 states will reciprocate my CE with a cert that WV would then in turn reciprocate. So I start researching other states' certification processes online. Virginia is my first candidate.
I read the fine print twice. The fine print clearly states that a MD CE, my Praxis scores, and a $60 check will give me a VA Standard Certification. Hot damn. As long as my MD CE doesn't take 90 days to get here, and then the VA cert another 90 days, and WV will take a VA cert... I'm in like Flint. I call WVDE again.
A different person answers this time. I ask if the VA cert will reciprocate into a WV cert, and then just for kicks I explain my whole situation from the top. This guy then tells me "hang on-- I don't think you have to go through all of that. " He goes off to verify some info or something, then comes back and tells me that WVDE is currently in talks with MSDE about the MD CE and reciprocity, so just go ahead and sent that CE in and "we'll get you taken care of. " Damn skippy. I leave for my July-spanning Florida vacation muchly relieved, hoping that MSDE will move their asses on the CE.
I return at the end of the month-- no CE in the mailbox. County Personnel calls the first week of August. I'm about to start stalling and bullshitting about getting the MD Cert info "anytime now," when he tells me that he just talked to WVDE and they will not accept a MD CE (contrary to what I had been told the last time) The powers-that-be, in their infinite wisdom, say that the MD CE is definitely not equal to a MD Standard (I) Cert, because of the "contract" line. If a person has signed a contract with a school system, then that means that he/she had to have passed an FBI background check (which approved him/her for working with minors). WTF?? Never mind the fact that I already passed an FBI background check to substitute teach in MD, a second FBI background check to substitute teach in PA, and a third FBI background check to teach for the past year in WV!!
Personnel then goes on to tell me that a person can only receive one WV Provisional Cert in his/her lifetime and that a Provisional is non-renewable. I brace myself for the "tough titty" comment at the local level (hell, I'd already gotten it from several different states) and a "I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to let you go," but miraculously he instead informs me that the superintendent is going to sign a special waiver so that I can continue teaching-- as long as I take and pass the extra Praxis II as soon as possible. Back to square one. What did I learn from this mess? Procrastination is bad-- if I would have just taken the test, none of the WV Cert mess would have ever happened. But, then again... procrastination is good-- I fooled around and didn't tell Personnel about the MD CE impotence in June... so he didn't find out until August when he called WVDE about it himself... which left him just three days to find a replacement if he fired me... so he was forced to find a way to keep me (even though I still think he'd love to boot me).
What else did I learn? No wonder there's a teacher shortage in most of the country. In addition to being grossly underpaid, teachers must suffer an administration infrastructure that apparently rode the short bus back in the day. And then there's the insipid process of earning the CE or cert or whatever in the first place. I might chronicle that waste-of-my-time ordeal one of these days. And then there are the students... but I'm not even going there.
Yet. There'll be plenty of bitching to do about them starting next Thursday. (I honestly do like my job, though... I swear) 
