  Sometimes, God makes&nbsp;us&nbsp;wait a long time to answer&nbsp;our questions/prayers. Not this time.&nbsp; You probably read my post about happiness. I was actually a little depressed after posting that, I guess I was confused. The more I think about that topic, the more I feel my life is a mess.&nbsp; I went to bed early last night, around 10pm. But couldn't sleep, so I picked up&nbsp;the book Livia had&nbsp;left outside of my door the night before. The book is called "The Purpose Driven Life".&nbsp; I know most of you had already read that book, and I heard a lot of good things about it.
But I never had&nbsp;the chance to read it. First chapter, first sentence:" It's not about you ". Wow, such strong words. Read on:" The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness...... The search for the purpose of life has puzzled people for thousands of years. That's because we typically begin at the wrong starting point - ourselves.
We asked self-centered questions like What do I want to be? What should I do with my life? What are my goals, my ambitions, my dreams for my future?". &nbsp; There it is, there&nbsp;lies the simple yet&nbsp;definitive answer for my problem. I realized how narrow and selfish my thoughts are. I've been thinking too much about ME.
I've made my happiness the goal of my life. If I don't know what hapiness is, I have no goal, no purpose. A life without purpose leads to no motivation, no energy, no hope. No wonder I am confused and depressed. Our purpose can only be revealed when we turn to the creator Himself. He has his purpose in&nbsp;each of our&nbsp;lifes when he created us.
Our purpose is not self-defined. We can't make up a purpose/goal (like I want to be a&nbsp;lead BA in five years) and thinking that if we reach that goal, we'll be happy. We can't really define happiness either. Happiness is not a goal, it's only an illusion.&nbsp; I feel happiness is like a lot of beautiful bubbles in the air,&nbsp;they are&nbsp;only beautiful beacuse of the reflection of&nbsp;light from outside and because it's hard to grab ahold of. Each bubble can be each one of&nbsp;our 'dreams'. But when&nbsp;we actully get close to it, it looses its beauty and we'll start to pursue another bubble.&nbsp;The bubble itself is empty, it cannot fulfill&nbsp;us.
It's not that I didn't know we should seek for God's will in us before. I often ask God to lead&nbsp;me to walk on the path He has designed for me. In my knowledge, in my conscious, I know only God's will is the best for me. But I think subconsciously, a big part of me is still very self-oriented. I want to be happy, I want the things I like, I want God to help me get what I want. THIS IS VERY WRONG.
Another quote from the book:" Many people try to use God for their own self-actualization, but that is a reversal of nature and is doomed to failure. You were made for God, not vice versa, and life is about letting God use you for his purpose, not your using him for your own purpose . "&nbsp; We shouldn't pursue happiness, but we&nbsp;will find true happiness when we find God's purpose in us and when we do our best to fulfill that purpose with God's help. I woke up at 7AM today. "yeah! "&nbsp;Nothing has changed in my life.
But I did feel an excitement in expectation to find more and more God's purpose in me each day. I believe God puts me where I am at each moment for a reason. And He has His way to mold me to be used by Him. I need to learn to put my complete trust in Him and to be patient and flexible(like a soft clay). I'll try to stop thinking too hard trying to make sense of things myself, and I really need to learn to let go of things that don't belong to me. Today is a beautiful day, a new day, a day filled with hope.
Thank you God, thank you Livia. haha, this was meant to be short, I really need to control myself. it's like I am writing essays. 
