  i did something crazy yesterday. i finally admitted to whale how i felt about him. and yea, i think he was kinda shocked though he said he wasnt. he was really mature in handling everything and somehow i didnt feel anything. i juz felt so damn numb.
no feeling at all totally. it was kinda scary. but i'm really thankful for e support my frenz gave. yeah. they were really encouraging. yups.
today when i first saw him b4 speedlight i felt so wierd. i gave him dis fake smile n turned away. den i started to feel sad. during seedlight praise and worship, i kept hearing his drums and i nearly cried. i felt so depressed.
e reality of what i did finally began to sink in. den after sl i wanted to shake his hand and wish him happy bday but i couldnt bring myself too. i juz passed him e card w/ o looking at him. i was scared i broke down in front of him. ya.
lene said he asked her what happened n tat he said he was very touched. e moment in e office was really awkward. i juz didnt noe how to react. yeah. but i regret not shaking his hand. its juz that i'm scared it wld bring back memories of e time when i first liked him.
yups. i think its finally time for me to really move on and put e past behind me. those happy memories together. memories will always remain just memories so its no use thinking abt it. yups. i think i'm fallign sick.
i keep sneezing n coughing. e thing is that i wana fall sick. i dun tink i can stand going to sch tmr. mebe i can lar. but i'll be totally depressed. and i think i really nid e rest.
i'm so sick of studying n my piano. haiz. i'm beginning to feel very sad over him. e numbness has finally gave way to sadness. when i looked into his eyes today to say hi at e coffeeshop and when i accompanied gazel to get her cd n said hi to him too,  i really couldn't stand it.
i either turned or walked away. those same eyes i haf always stared at when talking to him really made me feel so bad. i could see that he wanted to tok to me and that he was trying to act normal. i wanted to act normal too but how to act normal when its e guy whom u've liked for over a year? i really can't stand looking at him, it juz pains me somehow.
i really wonder if i'll ever forget him. lene said to juz push him outta my mind n forget everything though its impossible. i want to do that but yet at e same time i dun wan to even if its for my own good. yeah. i cant go on anymore if not i'll start crying. love ya.
