  so, i get these nightmares every once in a while. about psycho... i hate that he still gets into my dreams. i wish he'd just die. now i know that's not a very nice thing to say, but his existence is pretty much useless.&nbsp;all he will ever do is hurt people that he thinks he loves. i used to think, as long as it's not me, i don't care what he does. but, now, i do care.
i hope he's not hurting anyone else. i hope he's crippled, maimed, injured, whatever. i hope he gets caught stealing in the middle east somewhere so they chop his hands off... i hope that a group of thugs beat him up, i hope someone crazy glues his legs together and then beats him with a baseball bat, i hope that he suffers. not because i hate him, but because he deserves it. because that's how much pain he's inflicted on others. not just me, but other people... his family, his ex-girlfriends... everyone he comes into contact with... &nbsp; i dunno.
i'm over the fear of running into him. but he still enters my dreams. it's awful. i think part of that has to do with mel marrying stan (or as jules is always mistyping: satan)... i just see what she's turned into and it upsets me. i see how i used to be and it's frightening. (for the record, i don't think stan's beating her or anything.
i just think he's very manipulative, controlling, and possessive. ) &nbsp; he should embrace her for who she is and if she wants to change for herself for the better, she should do it. not change into a mindless girl without an opinion for him. he should accept her for who she is. not expect her to change. can you believe she said: i have so many things to change now i can't keep track????
how effed up is that? you know something's wrong with the relationship if someone says that... &nbsp; i&nbsp;wish her luck. i'm sorry i had to end our 12 year friendship, but he was going to end it anyway... but i guess it doesn't really matter anyway... i don't know her anymore... and it's a shame. &nbsp; anyway, whatever. steve's taking me to seattle and vancouver the weekend of her wedding. hehe... maybe i'm just lucky to have found a unique and great guy.
maybe most boys out there are like stan. scary. maybe i've forgotten since i've been out of the dating loop for a few years now... maybe i'm used to being spoiled by steve? i dunno. &nbsp; and for&nbsp;those&nbsp;judging me&nbsp;who think that she was there for me while i was with psycho, so i should be there for her at her wedding, i only have this to say: she was there for me before psycho and after psycho. not during.
and yes, part of that's my fault because i pushed people away, but that's also because she was always judging me, not understanding why i couldn't get out of that relationship. it's so much more complex than that. i&nbsp; hope&nbsp;she's realizing that now... but, i doubt it. i gave her too much credit. she's not that understanding or bright and i'm realizing that now... (so, what does that say about me??? ) &nbsp; well, good luck to my friends who are stuck being in that wedding.
i'm just&nbsp;relieved i got out :) 
