  Rant time, then. More brainfarts as one commentator required. Three things have been getting on my nerves recently.
1. The irrationality of Ex-Girlfriend 2. The Ease with which Melodrama becomes a Constructed Moodswing Indicator amongst people that should know better 3. This staying off the booze business. 1. The Ex. Without divulging too much information, the lady and mother of my child that left me on my birthday two and a half years ago for an old man that keeps ferrets, has been particularly irritating of late.
Why? Well, we don't argue any more. We don't bicker. I let her keep the car, and heh, when I visit, she now allows me to drive it. She is being nice to my family. She is seeming to be more emotionally and mentally stable than ever (and she has had a lot of mindaltering issues to deal in her time, the poor mite).
But she is being nice to me. And I'm finding this incredible hard to understand. I'm not used to it. She doesn't ring me up to cry down the phone anymore. She hasn't mentioned suicide for nearly three months. She is on the cusp of giving up the fags. She isn't moaning about her image. This is all very odd. I think she's fallen in love with someone, and I am finding this rather odd to come to terms with.
I mean, it's not that I still like her in a coupling up kind of way, but usually when I go on my fortnightly visits, I stay on her sofa (and apart from engaging in the nookie) things were mostly the same as they were before she left. Shopping, play areas, days out, arguments, washing up together, bamboozle. (The ferret man isn't on the scene anymore, by the way). It's like my pretend family. The flip side to my split life. And now it's like she has moved on and I am left in this unpredictable limbo space.
I don't think I ever fell completely out of love with her, but could happily co-exist with the frequent visits, etc etc, so I saw enough to know I was relieved that we had split up, but also saw enough to justify that I hadn't invested so much of my love in someone so unworthwhile.
Now all I can see are the good sides, and it is making me mightily confused. I don't want to get back together with her (even though, in terms of seeing my son as frequently as I possibly can it would make sense). We'd drive each other beserk. She doesn't know the meaning of the word monogamy, and I don't know the meaning of the word jealousy. I just found the ferret man funny. That's why I think she left, to prove a point - that I should take her more seriously.
However, the thought of her being happy with someone else, yes, HAPPY, is really annoying. And the reason I can think of for why is that it means I'll have no excuse to happily meander through my up-north life companionless if my pseudo-relationship life down-south is to end. Guess that makes me the irrational one. Hmmmm, needs some thought.
2.
Constructed Melodrama. I have had to put up with a hell of a lot of emotional shit in my short life. A manic depressive mother, a violently alcoholic father, a bulimic depressed ex, the death of my grandfather (my pseudo - dad) because of hospital error and it's attendant after-effects on the above. In short, I have become incredibly cold to a lot of life's little worries. I don't mean to say that this is indicative that I don't give a toss about people that are upset about things that seem minor to me.
Rather, the opposite. The smallest of problems, in one person's specific context, can really be to them something so bad that creates in them such tremendous anger, or upset, that they cannot do anything but express their emotions via the backdoor route of melodrama. Melodramatic is defined, by the first web dictionary I could get hold of, as: "showing much stronger emotions than are necessary or usual for a situation". I think when someone is upset by something, it is human nature to exaggerate the emotional response to the cause, either as a cry for attention, or as an attempt towards articulating the problem in one's own words so one can see the banality of the issue and then move on.
I have no problem with this. It's a very human thing to do, and something we all need to do from time to time to stay sane. Where I have a problem with Melodrama, per se, is where people turn to it in a routine manner as a method of either (a) trying to generate sympathy instead of just saying in plain terms what the fucking fuck the matter is, (b) trying to persuade onself that they are a victim when, if common sense is allowed into the equation, no victim status exists.
Indeed, when someone is so content with wanting to be a victim, that tiny things are played up, via melodrama, to deliberately inflate the problem, and consciously endorse the constructed victim status (c) Melodramatically state the intent to do something less than good, thus creating the impression that the emotive responses of the person are far greater than indeed they might be, but using melodrama as an excuse to blame poor actions on emotions when one really should know better.
Now, I have not explained these very well here. Don't get me wrong, melodrama has it's purposes. As a cry for help, it can very effective. As a way of allowing people knowledge that you're hurting, it is effective. As a way of asking for help, without saying 'will you help me', it is effective. But the deliberate deployment of melodrama as a way to try and enforce sympathy and justify dickheadedness, is, in my mindset, very very wrong. As is the continual use of it over things that, if they were thought about properly, shouldn't warrant such reactions. Someone asked me in Truth forum whether I thought men crying or women crying to be the most beautiful.
I found it extremely hard to answer. I have seen so many tears that I find it hard to sympathise unless I know what the problem is, and know that the problem, for the person, is big enough to warrant it. For me, at the moment, the best kind of tears are either those caused by chopping onions, or those that are spontaneous responses to happiness.
3.
I've been boozeless for a very long time now. apart from the odd glass of red wine with meals. I'm going to go and pissed now and play some darts. Excellent. I'll probably start crying about how nobody loves me, or something though.
I can be such a melodramatic fool, you see. 
