  Humm, how do I say what I've done today. Well, first off, yeah me and Ross did hack into Tara's hotmail, and had a lil fun. Sent an e-mail to Arik, tellin him about Tara keepin Ross's e-mails. Then today hack onto her aim, there again, we had fun. I talked to Arik, he bought that I was Tara's mother. Now that created some good laughs, humm.
After I read Arik's blog and what he said about me, really hurt. I let a comment tellin him that it was me that was pretendin to be Tara's mom. I dont know what came over me, but I got on, and Arik was away. I left a comment, tellin him how I felt, deep down. I told him how I was jealous of the past cuz back then I had a great life. I told him how I missed havin a dear friend.
We got into that talk, we both admited that we were each others dearest friends, and that we both wanted that again. I know it was real but you know, after we talked, I still had doubts. Its hard, I want it so bad to be like before but I know deep down it can never be like that, there will alwayz be boundries. I wont ever be as open or honest or any of that w/ him. Maybe one day things could turn out to be like it was before. Wow, its weird to be jealous of the past. There is alwayz these what if's that come to mind. I looked at old pics f/ Synold, now thats a tear jerker. I wish I could for the rest of my life live that week, over and over. But I cant, I'm startin slowly acceptin the past can never come back.
I have a feelin, which I hate, this "friendship" me and him are tryin to build back wont last long. He gets very angry at my easy, I alwayz seem to let him down. I give him a week, by then he will hate me once more. *sigh* what have I gotten myself into? 
