  'Is this all the world is? ' I asked in disappointment. So much had let me down. Relationships were gone, and that part of myself that reminds me that girls (at least the ones I like) generally don't like me was very loud. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, but it just became very clear... 'Well, obviously, that's not what life is about' I concluded within myself. Friendships had been sort of failing me, as well.
It's not one person in particular, it's just that my social life has not been what I expected it to be. Lastly, the worst, all the ideas Zayne, Jacob and I had... It was as if the last few weeks had been a knock back to reality. The church can't be that way; change won't come that easily. Not to mention that my view of Christianity, my relationship with Christ... it was wrong, it wasn't working. A crisis of faith, as they say.
Everything had let me down. But I wasn't feeling sad; no self-pity or blatant bitterness. I escaped pain by apathy. If I didn't care, I couldn't be disappointed. If life meant nothing to me, then it had no power to hurt me. And so I took away it's power.
I just didn't value much, kind of drifted through. It begins to kill you after a while. I wasn't sad, but it did remind me of my times of depression in China. It's not quite grief or sadness, but more like being numb. I was numb. I walked about, and 'Gloria' by Brave Saint Saturn began: Too weak to wonder, too tired to care Jesus Christ, are you really there?
I can remember, standing there with my headphones on, in my own little world, surrounded by dozens upon dozens of people. I was within my own bubble, within the womb. They had no idea, and it was if I was watching them from a one-way window, my own glass case. All was silent to me, save the soft guitar... It was then that I began to feel again. Aside from friendships, relationships and religion, there had to be something else, something deeper.
And there was. It hit me in that moment. It was beautiful, it brought life again. The song continued. Your love Your mercy Your light unending Your hope Your peace Your strength my heart is mending. And I begin to live again. 
