  I don't know what I'm doing. Going through the motions. I wish I knew where I was going. Or why I am here. I sometimes get these bursts of hope. Hmmm maybe it won't be so bad afterall. Maybe I'll somehow figure it out. Perhaps I'll find out one day that I'm not just sitting on this planet polluting the earth. And then one breath, one syllable, one word... and suddenly I'm off on a side trail that leads to nowhere. I've been so good at faking it that I've convinced myself and those close to me that I know where I'm heading. What a joke. I have these recurring dreams... But they are only dreams. If only I was so lucky........... 
