  elevated terror alerts and a test that i'm supposed to be studying for can only mean one thing: i'm doing something totally useless. new york city might totally get ka-boomed by someone that never heard you're supposed to check your teenage angst at the door. i'm fucking tired of these assholes that have a problem with our president and his foreign policy and want to blow our shit up.
why don't they just take him out instead?! oh my lordy, i bet this blog is going to get flagged by the FBI now because i just wrote that. listen FBI, i just don't want to die while i'm walking up fifth avenue to get to work, okay? that's all. there's really nothing more to it. in the meantime, i refuse to live my life like a scared little shit.
i moved to long island the weekend of the blackouts and i moved to manhattan the day after they sent out the alert about the financial targets. i'm not going back to tampa until the end of the year when i'm ready (unless of course there is no apartment left). but just in case something does happen... as of 8/6/04 there are a few things i never got to do. i always wanted to go to niagra falls, the grand canyon, italy, the greek isles, argentina, maine and prince edward island.
i never learned to dance or speak french, and i still had not seen top gun . if there was one thing i would have changed about my life it would have been to have taken piano lessons when i was younger. if i could, i would have told my family that they were the most important thing in my life. i would let my mother know that after almost twenty four years i had actually accepted her for who and what she was. that wasn't easy, but i actually accomplished it. i would tell my dad that he is the person i had always modeled myself after. there is no one else i wanted to be like. i would tell my sister i love her and that i was looking forward to our newfound friendship and living together in new york.
i would kiss my dog on the nose, and i'd call my abuela on the phone one last time. if i could, i would have told my friends that there was no substitute for them. i had never met anyone like them and probably never would have. no one made me laugh like them.
no one made me feel as good about myself as they did. i'd tell them something that a sometimes wise person told me: you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends. and if you decide to keep those friends around it must mean that you really love them because those should be the easiest ties to break. i'd tell all those from the broken ties that i appreciate what they did for me, whatever that may have been. if anyone was left wondering about me, i'd want them to know that i was a simply complicated person. or maybe a complicated simple person. i strived for moderation but didn't always succeed. my favorite things to do were watching films, sitting outside and talking, and the excitement of driving somewhere fun. i also loved the feeling i got of seeing downtown tampa at night as i drove back from somewhere else.
the things i hated most were lying, genuine pettiness, and elitism. the things i struggled with most were judging, and patience en route to the point. i'd want people to know they should get over themeselves because no one else gives a damn. i'd tell people that dogmas are evil, and to drink eight glasses of water a day. i'd let them know that there is no such thing as not enough time, or not getting the chance. those are excuses and not reasons. when you want something bad enough you can always find a way. i'd tell people that the greatest disservice you can do to someone else is to be dishonest. i'd want these people to know that the greatest waste of time is not being yourself. i'd want people to know that i was content almost always. 
