  So rotten sometimes..and then it turns around and is so great. I don't know if I am coming or going most of the time. There are many things i would like to change. Turning 40 is a scarey thing. First of all I would like to find another job but the idea of being 40 and looking for new work seems tough. I should not let my age get in the way with my pursuit of happiness. Life will always be a challenge and I have done pretty good so far...(in my humble opinion).
I was so depressed most of the day today. I did not get the house cleaned up like I wanted to. Instead I moped on the couch and watched Lifetime movies all day. I love that channel. I could write stories for that channel for the rest of my life. I have a rough draft of a story I wrote at work...of all places - God that place is so damn dull. It is about a woman who becomes a multi-millionaire with a dog product. She is a dog lover and loves children too.
It is a story about a homeless shelter, a farm and dogs, and people who care and people who do not care....but mostly about people who care and how they all come together. Right now it is 13 chapters long. It is the reason I signed up for the creative writing class at the community college. I really need to keep myself in mind...my goals..my life. Instead i get all wound up over my mother and my twin sister.
I hate it when they get stuck in my head for the better part of a perfectly good Saturday. I guess cuz it is close to my birthday...my 40th too..that I was so down and out. I always get down and out around my birthday. I have issues with my family. Verbal abuse is rampant. So glad I have enough sense to learn how not to yell and argue. I used to do that all the time with past boyfriends...drove them all away. And I also never accepted being verbally abused...OH No. It was mostly the other way around. When I was in my early 30's I learned how yelling and aruging gets me absolutely no where. Got me all by myself is what it did. Ha!! but now I am married to a sweet wonderful man who helps me learn and grow and vice versa. Yes...Life is wonderful, beautiful, painfull, confusing...and always challenging. 
