  Funny how things change in a matter of minutes. Funny how I chose to deny myself of all the things granted to me in the past only to be forced to acknowledge them in an instant.
Love is blind, so they say. Heck, I never believed it. What, with all my believe about “love at first sight”? Love is never blind. Even blind man chooses their spouse by other attraction she has. Her voice, her scent, or even her touch. I’ve always been granted with 2 serious “love at first sights” in the past. The first one went down the drain all for the name of “change”.
“You change”, he said. I never regretted the fact that I had missed a lot when I was him for a long 2.5years. Nor do I ever regret the single moment I ever spent with him. The only thing I regret the most, why should we focus on “change” and not focus on things that remain the same instead? The second, and who I thought was going to be the last, was another heartbreak for me. 5 years I spent with him was not an easy ride. We floated like birds and also plunged to the deepest trough of our relationship. Never had he given up on us.
I on the other hand, had said too many “it’s over’s” when I really didn’t mean it. We never changed. At least not until recently. Come to think of it, I refused to change. I can still remember vividly the smell of his breath when he wishes me good night, how his eyes slit when he laughs, even his stubby fingers and toes. I still remember every single little details he did when he was happy or sad. I still remember the very first time I heard his voice and how happy it sounded for hearing mine. I still remember the first note he scribbled for me. I still remember a lot about him more than I want to.
I still remember how madly in love we were when things were forced to change. Breakups are always hard to handle. Even more so when the only reason we were to break up was not because we stopped loving each other, but because we were forced to. And the saddest part is, the only people who we counted on the most to turn to, the people who gave birth to us, financed our lives up until we managed to live on our own, the people who we respect the most, were the people to cause such a terrible breakup. Parents are great until they start becoming parents and start deciding how our lives should run.
I am so fortunate to have the best pair of parents any children could ever dream of. Thanks for supporting me all the way Mom &amp; Dad. And I’m so sorry I couldn’t live up to your expectations to convince him otherwise, when he decides to take the path his parents have chosen for him. Love has caused too many heart breaks. If it were up to me, I would imprison Aphrodite and let Cupid do his work. And maybe then there will be no more jealousies and heart breaks. Funny how I decided to take a drastic step ahead for my life hoping that it would change in the direction I want it to be. Funny how I could stop even to think that I missed my sole inspiration every step of my way when I have this whole new challenge before me.
Last night was a defining moment for me, and my future. No bets at stake. I didn’t even bet myself that I’d win this guy's heart in the first place. In fact, I’ve been trying so very hard in the past months to rid him. It only brought him closer. Love is blind, huh? Perhaps this is the right time for me to acknowledge the wise Javanese saying “witing tresno jalaran soko kulino”. Perhaps it’s now time that I accept it. I never expected to change. Nor do I wish that I could. I still want to savor the memory of me and my heartbreaker. But why me? Why of all this time, that I suddenly have the guts to say, “it’s time to move on”?
If love CAN be bottled, I’d definitely change the label. It should be “Love Poison #9”. For it only causes you heart breaks and heart burns. 
