  I don’t know why anybody would want the job of president. Especially these guys, They are all multi-uber-millionaires. And they’re applying for a 400-thousand dollar a year job. Not a nine-to-five job either. 24/7. No breaks, always on call.
When you break it down that’s like 33 dollars an hour after taxes. That’s middle management. That’s chump change. No wonder the president is always being told what to do by someone else. 33 dollars an hour. That’s cheap.
If I were getting paid that little, I would act like Middle management. I’d be photocopying my ass on the White House Xerox machine, faxing it to other world leaders. Getting drunk at the Christmas party, having sloppy office sex with the company slut in the janitor’s closet. Clocking out a five on the nose every day. “Whooo! Five o’clock!
It’s happy hour. I’ll take care of the budget on Monday...” For 33 bucks an hour, who wants the pressure? If you are going to be president of something, be the first. There is no pressure there. You’re the first. Everything you do is new and innovative.
How hard was Washington’s first State of the Union speech. “Well, we’ve been a union for about a week now, and... well...that’s about the state of it. Nothing to report really. We got rid of King George. I think that we can all rest easy, now that we’ve gotten rid of a dictator. Still looking for those muskets of mass destruction.
Still looking... Any questions... No. We should do this every year.” I think that if I were president I would go mad with power. I think they all have, even Washington. “I’m the father of this country. That’s right. Who’s your daddy America?
You what I want a holiday. I want everybody to celebrate MY birthday. And I want a city named after me. No, to hell with that, I want a district. I don’t even know what a district is, but I want it. And I want to be on some money.
Not just any money, real money. The kind people use everyday. Not the 100-dollar bill. Give that to Franklin. No, I want the one-dollar bill, so everyday; people will look at me damnit! And I want my head on the side of a mountain.
My melon right there, carved into the mountain. And I want a monument. Not any monument, I want the biggest, tallest, cock of a monument you can find.” 
