  I can’t believe I left her in bed to write this. Yeah, so last night, around ten thirty, Rob and Jamie show up at my bar. I’m thinking that everything was cool, you know, get to show them my side of Portland, hook them up with some microbrews. Well, turns out that Rob already had a couple of drinks in him before coming into the bar, and well, he got pretty fuckin’ drunk. And he’s not the best drunk, he’s not even a good drunk. He started to cause a scene, and Mike the Manager was getting ready to toss him out. Jamie gave me this look, this total “help me” thing and I told Mike that the guy was a friend of mine and they were in town visiting. I’d get him outta there. Mike said “Fine” but he was taking me off the clock, which isn’t normally as cool as he is, but at the moment, it was cool enough. So, the three of us cut out of there and we walk, Rob stumbles, back to my apartment. That’s when things start to get hairy.
Rob reaches for his car door. Now, I’m not the chivalrous kinda guy, but I wasn’t going to let him drive hammered. I told him to give Jamie the keys. Rob got pissy with me, told me he wasn’t going to let her drive his car. I made a reach for the keys and in a moment of drunken brilliance, Rob took a swing at me. He missed, which was pretty good, ‘cause I didn’t see it coming.
But I did shove him, and he stumbled into his car. This made him that much more mad. And he screamed at me, something about he can’t believe I hit him. Funny right? Yeah… So he’s standing there on the side of the street, it’s already after midnight, and I start to pull Jamie into the building, hoping that Rob’ll follow.
Well, he doesn’t, he just gets more mad, and he makes a grab for her wrist. He yells about how he didn’t pay for a hotel for nothing, and they’re leaving and she’s coming with him. She took the whole thing pretty well, calmly prying his hand from her wrist one finger at a time, and then he made a grab for her hair. I stepped in then, and I put myself between him and her, by put myself in between I mean I punched Rob in the face and stood in between him and her after he tripped backwards and fell down.
I told her to go up stairs and I shut the door behind me. She was a mess. After it all, she just started crying. I told her she could sleep in the bed and we’d sort everything out in the morning. She said she was worried about him driving drunk and getting in a wreck, and when I pulled his keys outta my pocket she could only offer up a weak smile. I told her to take the bed, and I’d sleep on the couch, and at first that was cool with her. But, while I lay there not able to sleep and with those slight shakes and weak knees from, I guess, the adrenaline wearing off, I heard someone walking around my apartment. It’s tiny, these things are hard to miss. She called my name, asked if I was asleep. I told her no. She asked if I’d come to bed with her, she didn’t want to sleep alone. Score, right? Yeah, right. So, I get up and go to bed, and it would have been great, except that she’d stripped down to just her underwear, and she was like twenty three, and something about that age, the girls only seem to own thongs, or maybe it was the underwear she was wearing for him because she thought she was going to get some that night, but, she wasn’t wearing anything else, not even a t-shirt.
So, here’s my predicament, I haven’t gotten laid in a while, I’m laying in bed with this to-die-for brunette, tan, firm, totally cute face, with the sharp little nose and full lips and big brown eyes, and she’s nearly naked. Oh, and I’d just kicked the crap outta her boyfriend. These things don’t really happen. Really. At least, I used to think they didn’t. Dear Penthouse… So I get into bed, and I lay there, and it always takes me a while to fall asleep with someone new in my bed, or the bed, or whatever bed, and she, Jamie, curls up with her back against my side. And I’m trying really hard not to do anything, and eventually I just fall asleep. I kept waking up, and she kept being there, and I could smell her hair, and it was the entire world.
And I guess she kept doing the same thing. Sometime early, before the sun was up, I guess we happened to wake up at the same time, and she looked over, and I looked over, and she whispered something, and I couldn’t hear her, so I moved closer, and she leaned up and closed her eyes, and that was it. It started with kissing, and then her underwear came off, and then mine and before you know, we’re having sex. And here’s the terrible thing. It was really good. I mean really good. And we finished and she curled up against me and we both went to sleep. And for all that I know, she’s still sleeping, even though it’s nearly eight thirty now. But I’m going to get back to bed before she notices I’m gone. 
