  Hi, I have been so cought up with the everyday things we all get cought up with, in our everyday task, errands and responsibilities we all carry in life. So I apologize to all my people out there, and I would never leave you guys behind. Well, as you know I go thru each and everyday struggling to stay ahead in life. right now I am planning of moving and trying to step up a little into the world with God's help of course. I need to move out before my son comes back home from his summer vacation with his Dad. I also want to welcome him home with a few gifts and a few cool friends of his.
I want him to feel special. Thou Im kinda nervous since he doesn't get along with his stepdad, which I dont blame him at all. I told my husband that things are going to have to be different when my son arrives home, and that if he did not do his part or try to make things better, that there are going to be some big changes and he aint going to like it! Well, "oh well", like they say. I have had to put up with his crap for too long and I dont have to put up with it, for i have options and nit to mention, a life to live and not to mention my boy to! My boy comes 1st b4 anyone or any man!
I know that someday my son is going to look back and thank me for it! also I know that someday weh i get old, he is going to be the one that is going to be there f or me; not no man! For blood is thicker than water baby! eh-hem! It is so true. It's been almost 10 long years that I have waited for this man to change.
I have given him my all, I have put my world on hold for his butt! I have stood my him in his worst of times, not his family, not his friends, but me! His wife! The worst part of this whole thing is that he doesn't appreciate me nor the things i've done for him thru out the years. I have given my all to this 'so called marriage', I have dedicated my life and have struggled for this marriage to keep it together; but I always say it takes 2, and this marriage has just taken all the strength I had inside of me, it has drained me, it has exausted me, muchmore it has robbed me 10 years and for what!? I have nothing to show for, I gained absolutely nothing/nada!
I-YEOW-DA! If anything I have never been so miserable in mylife! honestly! I use to be an outgoing person and not to mention a very healthy one mentally and physically. Today, is all the contrary. I am so depressed, so tired all the time and I have never suffered from so many migraine headaches b4 in my entire life!
He is so complicated and hard to get along with. he is bipolar and has a temper that makes anyomne tremble. Not because Im scared of him, no;not at all, but is the stress that he puts me thru, and he really gets to me and my nerves are just so bad! I am the type and kind that loves to live and be in peace and harmony. I dont believe in no kind of abuse physically or mentally, since as a child I had to see and deal with all that kinda drama through my stepfather. I would never pass it on to my future children nor anyone, since it deeply could be so damaging to someone's life in everway.
But the point is, if anyone out there, is going thru something similar, do something. Dont tolerated for one second. It's been heard for me to get any kind of help or support, since I have no family at all, none whatsoever. I dont have no one to turn to in my times of troubles. sure I have my Mom, but Im not going to burden her with my problems. she deserves to live the last several years of her life happy with her loving husband.
So it's like wehn I have to deal with any critical situation, is just me, myself and I. I do consider myself a very patient person and strong and have learned so much from my own life experiences. All I know is, that b4 I die, I made an promise to myself to know and feel, what it is to have happiness, maybe not that, since I belive no one is perfectly happy, but at least come close. I owe myself that but even more I owe my son. Well time out. I just thought I stopped by and let you people know that Im still pulling and pushing to get where to I want to be. I dont know How long it's going to take me but as long as Im in process, I know I have to get there someday.
goodnite to all, I try ult love you all..may God be with all. xoxoxoxo 
