  Yesterday I met the most absolutely shit-headed woman in the history of the world. This woman (from here on refered to as Piggy) was so absolutely retarded, it was literally everything I could do to restrain myself from bashing her head repeatedly into a wall of metal spikes. I first saw Piggy after I got off work Saturday night. I came home, and was pretty hungry, so I went out to the shop to ask mom what we had that I could make to eat. On first glance, Piggy looked like every other stupid bitch that shops in a rock shop. She was about 5'2", and looked like she hadn't brushed her hair, ever.
She wore a pair of those black jeans that were popular in the 80's, and some kind of glasses that stupid bitches wear. Understandably, I completely ignored her. Instead of talking to her, I proceeded to ask mom what we had to eat in the house, and before mom could even open her mouth, Piggy responded with 'peanut butter and jelly. ' I had to look at her twice before I could even beleive what I heard. I had never seen this woman before, ever, yet here she was, talking like we had been friends forever, or that I gave a fuck about what she had to say. Stifling the urge to beat her with a crowbar, I politely replied, "I need something with protein in it. " Mom interjected at this point and said that there was roast in the fridge. I absolutely abhore roast of any kind, so I asked if there was anything else. That's when Piggy, right on cue, replied with 'Peanut butter and jelly. Ooh, or TOFU! ' I nearly lost it at this point.
Bitch, peanut butter has 8 grams of protein. I need more along the lines of 40. To get 40 grams of protein from peanut butter, I would have to eat the whole fucking jar. What kind of moron are you? I'd like to see you eat a whole God damn jar of peanut butter, that way you couldn't talk, because your mouth would be full of peanut butter. Obviously, I didn't say any of this. I just looked at mom and said 'What about steaks? ' Fortunately we had some.
At one point in the conversation, mom brought up the fact that Piggy's job was to build liners for garbage dumps, and when she said that, I swear to god Piggy almost had an aneurysm. She said something like: "Ahem, [annoying laugh], I went to college for 4 years. Atleast give it some credit! I build land-fills. " And then, for the next twenty minutes she kept repeating this line: "Yeah, I went to college for four years and I build land-fills for a living. " Wow, you completed a four-year college. Congratulations, shitface, you've done what only a few million people can do every year. Yay for medi-fucking-ocrity. The ironic thing is, while Piggy thought she was being witty and clever and completely shutting me down, she spent the entire conversation spending over $500 in my mom's shop.
She may have a college degree, but she has the IQ of a ham sandwich if she doesn't realize the money she's spending is going almost directly to me. Honestly, if a stupid whore wants to give me $500 to listen to her spout of what she thinks are witty comebacks, then by all means, pay up. 
