  Confessions Of A Crazy Lady: Part 1 The names have been changed to protect the innocent(me). Irene is the daughter, and from here on, I will be naming the mother "Julianna. " -1- Over the last 18 years, I have been hospitalized 10 times, ostensibly for paranoid schizophrenia. That it hasnt been more often may be hopeful. I tend to feel my problem is chemical because I know I wouldnt bring it on myself. My last hospitalization began October 17, 1982, and ended January 6, 1983, so its been 14 months since I was discharged, and 13 months since Irene came home.
I am now taking 10 milligrams proleyxien(? ) and 2 milligrams cogertin(?). I like the proleyxin(?). It has helped tremendously. And although I dream of being off medication, staying on even just a low dosage may be the real way to make my Dreams for my life come true. -2- My problem began when I was in my junior year of college.
I was at Princeton University that year. Maybe it was more than I could handle. My parents had worried that it would be, and they didnt want to see me hurt. I started hearing voices my second semester at Princeton. When finals came, I was unprepared. I went to the infirmary instead of to my exams.
My grades were estimated after one class was dropped, and on arriving home I was evaluated to be acutely schizophrenic. Since then the schizophrenia has become a chronic problem and has been diagnosed as paranoid type. -3- Irene had some trouble adjusting to 4th grade at Wilder (? ) Elementary, and I believe it was that she picked up some of my depression. Her teacher prodded her and I helped her with her work, and by now her teacher has lots of good things to say about Irene, including a compliment for all the reading Irene does outside her schoolwork. Now whenever Irene brings work home I help her with it.
Now she brings it home instead of letting it pile up at school. I have always gotten compliments on Irene and for the way Ive raised her. -4- My mother has said, since my last hospital trip, that perhaps now Im well enough that I wont have to go back. My high school French teacher, who lit prayer candles for me whenever I was in the hospital, said we all have to suffer some it seems. She said maybe I had had my share of suffering by now, and that maybe I wouldnt have to suffer anymore. Maybe I wouldnt have to go back to the hospital any more.
Howie Williams, a friend of 28 years, says Im sounding better now than I ever did. -5- I have a fine young physician whom I see every two weeks for about 15 minutes. He is intelligent, (? ), and has an easygoing optimism. He knows how very much I love Irene, and that I dont ever want to be parted from her unless it be a normal thing concurrent with her growth. Most of my sharing with Irene is spontaneous.
Shell say lets do thus and so, and if I can work it out, we do it. I enjoy pleasing her, but I wonder if we shouldnt have a weekly schedule so shed know what to expect. 
