  Ahhhhh! Coffee and rice pudding. It's my morning snack. I've just gotten back from walking around Town Lake and grocery shopping and am about to bake a cake and clean my apartment (I am....I AM!). Walking down the trail I look at all the people running and in different phases of exertion. I'm bouyed (is that the right word?
) by everyone I see, just about. There are women that look twice my age running. Running! I've dabbled with the accelerated trot, but....running? Well, let's just say that I've got a dodgy hip and am a bit uncertain about how things may manifest if I undertake that sort of activity. I feel so heavy when I start walking.
After I've been at it for 30 or so minutes I feel lighter. Anyone feel like that? I feel like my lungs can process air quicker...fleeter! My legs don't feel as flappy, my back doesn't hurt. After 30 minutes I feel like I can walk for days. Do I contemplate running at this point?
Ummmmm, no. I don't. Maybe when I lose more weight I'll feel at the start of my walk, they way I now do 30 minutes into it. I don't know. It's enough for me to walk right now, though. It helps me feel as if I haven't spent the entire day in my apartment.
Which I usually have. I went to H.E.B. afterwards. When I got in line to check out, I found myself behind a group of what was, obviously, Mexican nationals. A group of 4-5 of them. And, not one of them had a woman.
No, really. I can tell these things. It's easy. I looked at what they were buying. Everything they had could be cooked on a grill or in a microwave. They had tortillas (gas stove owners - bastards!
), meat, ramen noodles, TV dinners, meat, beer, toilet paper and....oh, yeah....meat. Plus, it's a dead giveaway that they were the ones doing the shopping. Shopping, by and large, is a woman's job. We're the ones that know how to cook 80% of the time. We've read the specials. We'll take the extra trip to another store for 2 or 3 items if they're cheaper than at the one we're at now (which reminds me - I've got to go to City Market for vegetables and fruit --- Yes, HEB is cleaner, it's got fresher produce, better selection - but, believe me on this - City Market is cheaper -- cheaper by lots).
I have a lot of work to do. I need to clean my apartment, put last week's laundry away (it is currently strewn all across my pink chair and showing signs of dwindling - I pick off of it daily - but, do I put the clothes up? No), and clean out my car. I've got to bake my cake! Do any of you know that it takes approximately $3 to make a cake? The mix is about $1.50, the icing is $1.
Throw in the price of an egg and some milk, butter to grease the pan and electricity to bake it and....voila, mon ami, you've got yourself a cake. It'll bake while I clean. I'm always surprised by the extent to which my apartment gets dirty. I think I'll pack up some stuff. What I want to do is try to weed some things out. Women build homes.
Men live in houses. Ever notice that? Unless they're gay (like my brother - he has a very nice house, by the way) or they're the rare ones that like for things to look nice (and, in that case, they want the more expensive things like leather and entertainment systems)....it is usually the woman that drags home things to put in her house. Well, I've done enough dragging home, I think (she said, taking a look around). It's time to weed out what isn't necessary. I'll be moving soon.
I've lived in this apartment on S 1st for nearly a year now and I'm going to miss it. I like that no one can see inside (I live on the 3rd floor). I like that trees hang just outside my window and I can leave the windows wide open (although I shut them now that it's so hot). I like having a washer and dryer. I've liked sitting on my patio and drinking my coffee, smoking my cigarettes (which I'm thinking of quitting). I'll miss this place.
I don't want to go. But, go, I must. I've found an apartment that is $475 a month, with free extended cable and paid water/trash/waste water. I, currently, pay $567 and pay for the cable and water. If you factor in all that, I'll be paying about $150 less a month! And, let me tell you.
I'm one poor bitch right now. I can't wait. I can't fucking wait! Also, I think my contract with SBC, the wonderful entity that allows me to write this right now, will be up in September, so I'm gonna do away with that and, maybe, get Road Runner. So, that's another $50-70 off. I know I'm babbling.
I feel no guilt. No one's telling you to read this. Someone once told me that he saw no point in a person's daily minutiae. Well, I agree. There really IS no point. But, it can also go both ways.
Confusing, I know. Let me expand. I don't think a person's private thoughts should all be for an audience. But, I also don't think a person's private world should be dictated by an audience, either. What you do in life should be your world, for better or worse; flawed or whole; sinful or saintly. It should be yours, not to be explained or apologized for.
This is mine. I'll fart and tell you about it, I may describe the smell. I'll try to capture my intense love and affection for my father, the archetype for all men after him. Viejo! And, how I revere and admire my mother. And, how I can still see them as human.
So, horribly, terribly, comically human. I'll make many....many mistakes. But, I'll make you seem wise in comparison. I'll make bad judgments; bad fashion choices; typos. Mine will not be a world where everything is done "just so". I don't have answers to important questions.
I don't give good driving instructions. I'll burn my potatoes, get flat tires, bad haircuts and stomache gas.....which leaves us where we started. I'll put this all down, not because I'm vain (I mean....I AM vain, but that's not the reason to write). I write because it calms me. It clears my head. It is the Milk-of-Magnesia for my soul.
And, you have a front-row ticket. Aren't you glad you stayed? 
