  People that are likely to appear in my blog... urlLink MARY ZARA [ urlLink photo ] [ urlLink blog ] My best friend who has refused to read any of my blog, as she hates journals. So I can write anything about her and not get caught. Unfortunately, I don't have anything bad to write about her yet. CHIEF CHARACTERISTIC: The most amazing eyebrows on G-d's green earth. Oh, and she has black hair and green eyes, which is so crazy it makes my feet explode. DAVINA [no photo--too black to show up on camera] Proof that I'm not racist.
She's another one of my best friends, and the only reason she's not my best best friend is because she's black. I usually do something stupid that pisses her off--she gets offended easily and I rarely ever think about what I'm saying, a very calamitous combo. QUOTE: CHUCK. I'm really thirsty. I want to pick up this water bottle I found on the ground but I'm resisting myself. DAVINA.
You're resisting arrest! !11 CHUCK. ...? VICKIE [ urlLink photo ] [ urlLink myspace ] My Samoan bitch and future wife. She rocks because I got her a urlLink bacon maker-thing for her birthday and she actually liked it. CLOSEST CELEBRITY LOOK-ALIKE: Reminds me of urlLink Ibis from Road Rules .
KATIE [ urlLink photo ] The beautiful girl I'm currently in the long process of seducing--about ten months so far. Very long process. Co-wrote urlLink my future . DID YOU KNOW...? That Katie lost her hand in a bear-wrestling accident? AMANDA [ urlLink photo ] Ex-girlfriend who is currently helping me get over Mary.
She keeps offering to get me a whore and I keep refusing, but it's getting harder and harder... OBSESSED WITH: Drunken cowboys with bulging crotches. LAURA [ urlLink photo ] Another girl I'm seducing. The only problem is that she has a boyfriend, and she's like one of those loyal girlfriends you hear about. MOST EROTIC NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE: She tackled me while playing in the river and we were caught by the rapids. We would have been swept away, had it not been for my incredible survival strategy--grabbing on to the rock bottom of the river for dear life.
She's just lucky I never let go of her or she would have been pulled under. I'm like Superman except not as queer-looking. ANDREW [no photo available, bitches] [ urlLink myspace ] The guy Mary made out with, and Zara's current ex-boyfriend. There's no hard feelings between us because he's a cool guy and he said he wouldn't have made out with Mary if he knew how I felt about her. I'm hoping that he and I will become better friends in days to come. TRADEMARK: Ends every sentence with "and that's the way the cookie crumbles, miss sir!".
BLACK PAT [ urlLink photo ] My other black friend (count 'em: one, two) who is totally whipped by... ERIKA [no fucking photo] [ urlLink myspace ] Friend from the old high school. She buys me Jamba Juice. CHIEF CHARACTERISTIC: Retarded voice. CHRISTINE [ urlLink photo ] My urlLink smacktarded friend who occasionally turns into a posessed, homicidal car. DID YOU KNOW...? That GeoCities sucks my cock?
THERESA [unfortunately, no photo yet] Vickie's divinely beautiful (twelve-year-old) sister who I'm in love with (and who has a boyfriend). G-D: SHE'S TWELVE FUCKING YEARS OLD, YOU PERV. XIMENA [too endearing to show up on camera] Quite possibly the cutest little Mexican in the world. She looks like an extremely attractive cross between an ant and urlLink Gizmo (if that's possible). DID YOU KNOW...? That New Mexico is not the capital of Mexico?
'Cause I didn't. ALEX POWELL [the only photo I have is of his ass] I put his full name only because I either refer to him as "Alex" or "Powell"--or sometimes "Alex Powell". He's bipolar on the subject of me--sometimes he likes me; sometimes he loathes me. Overall, he's a pretty cool guy--when he's not being a pussy, that is. OBSESSED WITH: Every girl in the world. JACK [photo-less] He's already conquered two girls--Christine and Amanda--on my cast list, and now he's after Zara.
TRADEMARK: Jeff. LAUREL [ urlLink photo ] [ urlLink blog ] Some chick. IN LOVE WITH: urlLink This guy G-D [no photo available, as you'd probably turn to stone or something if you looked directly at Him] [ urlLink blog ] Sometimes drops into my blog for a quick visit--usually to criticize me. CHIEF CHARACTERISTIC: I'm guessing He probably has a really long beard. -chuck- ...or eat limes... 
