  “The smoke fills my lungs and grills my liver; we’re having dung bombs tonight as the veins expand on my wrist. Skin freshly removed to find the last pulsation. This needle… is my heaven.” The man balled up his fist and exposed the flesh on his arm that had been healing overtime. “What’s this dude talking about?” Amber puffed her cigar then put it out in the ashtray. “Think he’s a drug addict?” I ran my hands roughly along my shoulders then twirled my fingers against the ice cubes. I knew what he meant when he spoke to share his sorrow. We lived in a fairytale world where reality was something we pretended did not exist. For awhile, I avoided his eyes, knowing full well that could be me. “There’s no such thing as a drug addict Hun, remember that.” Amber crossed her legs and whistled at one of the waiters; she rattled the ice against the beer mug.
“Yea, if you say so.” I knew she was lying but I wanted to believe that I could puff the magic dragon and still be clear of the fog. “Have I ever stirred you wrong Sarah, baby?” She blew the smoke from her fifth cigar in my face; I circulated the rings of smoke and blew them back towards her. We both laughed for awhile then turned our attention back to the stage. A slim man sat on a stool and twisted the head of his cigar between his index and thumb.
He blew the smoke away from the stage then pulled out his acoustic guitar. The lyrics were barely heard but he let the strings sing for him. “Yea, baby!” Amber leaned over her table and threw him a pack of cigars. “Play me a sweet note!” “Amber, stop.” “Can’t I have a little fun Sarah?” “No.” She looked at me for awhile then stared down at the ashes of the cigarette butt; It wasn’t at all new; She had been in those situations where she let her behaviors pull her towards these strange men. I watched her closely; the way she stared him down; She drowned in pitchers of beer by the dozen; the rings formed beneath her eyelids.
“I’ll be back.” “Where are you going?” “I’ll be back.” She waved me off as usual; I watched her stumble towards the crowded hall; the large metal loops jingled about her wrist. When I got a chance to look at her from afar, she didn’t seem as beautiful as she used to be. The tan complexion she used to have faded into a pale purple crush. Sunrise to sunset Amber had been the living dead girl. It had been thirty minutes and there was no sign of her. “Get your shit together it’s closing time.” The bar tender came towards me and picked up the pitchers on our table. I stood in front of the café and waited patiently for Amber to return. I knew she would never leave me.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the chill that began heating my lungs; I blew the smoke from my nostrils continuously and laughed. The memories of my early childhood came back to me. Amber and I would sit on the front porch and inhale the cold air then release it through our mouths. “We’re like the big kids Sarah, aren’t we?” She smiled at me while I nodded in agreement. “Yup, Amber, we are.” Now we are all grown up like those big kids. Smoking those cigar, sniffing that angel dust, poppin’ those pills and calling in the needles.” “Sarah, Sarah, go without me; I’ll meet you at Erich’s house later.” She looked back and there stood the thin man that had been playing his acoustic guitar. “I’m not leaving without you Amber.” “I’ll be fine.” She walked away from me and into the arms of that stranger. The smoke rose from between them. I shook my head in unfortunate realization. Intimacy for Amber became the smoke at the end of a lighted cigarette.
“Where the hell is Amber?” Erich stacked the powder on a couple pieces of Ph paper. “She left with that guy.” “What guy?” he snorted the lot that had been in the crumpled paper between his palms. “I don’t know.” “Was he packin’?” “What do you mean was he packin’?” “Well you know Amber will chance with anyone who does.” “Take that back!” We struggled against the bare sofa for awhile; I continued with threats of slitting his throat if he had not taken back what he had said.
I never thought Amber would ever go that far, but everyone insisted that when you’ve become a drug addict the going gets tough. “Don’t listen to all that bull Sarah; there’s no such thing as a drug addict.” Blood dripped from Erich’s nose; he tilted his head back and let the thick fluid seep back into his nostrils. “Yea, whatever you say.” I watched this process day after day. Too many times to count; it seemed as if the blood had been dripping from my own nose. “Every one here is special, but there will be one person at the least who will not make it here next year.” The speaker stood at the podium. “Wake me up when it’s done.” Erich rested his head against my shoulder, curled up and went to sleep. We had been to so many of these assemblies; it’s awkward how a life decision could be taken so loosely; I guess we never took it seriously until it happened to us.
The usual presentation began with the same photos with the exception of one or two people who had currently died. I remember a time when Amber and I were taking a drag, and the news came on; there was so much bull about this sixteen year old guy from our school that was murdered by friends over drug money. I remember how Amber glanced at me then at the convicted criminals on the television; I looked down at the mound of angel dust and rubbed my nose. “You wouldn’t kill me Amber, now would you?” She fell silent for awhile and stopped rolling her blunt. After about five or six minutes she replied. “Of course not Hun .” 
