  So I've decided I'm going to pull a Tom Cruise and get some glistening metal wires fastened onto the sufaces of my teeth. I might as get it out of the way right now, while I'm not getting laid and I don't have to subject anyone to the monstrocity.
I kept seeing these ads for what was called "Invisalign," whereby no one is the wiser that you have braces because they are made of some super secret invisible plastic stuff. Upon further reflection, I realized that Invisalign is code for "We think you are a dope and want to screw you over. " Invisalign costs about twice as much as the regular metal ones. But the trick to Invisalign lies in the insecurity of the orthodontically challenged. If you don't want to risk derision, ridicule, or ostracization from your more dentally fortunate friends, then, well, you've got to spend the big bucks!
Um... yeah. Plus, they take longer to work. No way am I bending over for those Invisalign motherfuckers. I'm getting the metal ones, not have sex for 9 months, and emerge from the experience a mentally stronger, physically attractive version of myself. Because these chastity braces are just what I need. It'll do me some good. 
