  Since last week when Master has started moving things up a notch and i guess testing me to find out just how deep in Him i am or willing to be in reality not just desire.  i began to realize how far i really am from what most importantly Master desires/ expects &  wants of me and what Master and i B/ both need/ want &
amp;  desire of me as well.  i wanted to know exactly what Master wanted/ expected of me and i pushed Him to write it out for me.  Something tangible i could take on and understand and grasp.  And He did last night.
 It startled me as i knew i still had so very very far to go and that He is right that many times i do put far too much energy in things that i care about ( internet especially)  rather than making what i know is priority to Him be priority in me.  He mentioned yesterday about the housework.  not being up to par ( dust etc.
 i surface clean.  Master wants me to deep clean.  i run through with the time i have and make everything look good and do what has to be done that say but don't near often enough just stop and scrub doors and baseboards and polish furniture instead of feather dust,  etc.  That needs to change now and i do understand that.  Master knows i have a lot to accomplish with various things and He does make allowances for those things,
 it is the wasted time i spend on the internet when the house is not up to His standards that bothers Him.  Plus i find a lot of time " finding myself"  in my groups.  There is nothing wrong with community.  that is good.
 And O/ others giving T/ their insight &  encouragement and experiences as well as my experiences touching O/ others. that is all good and positive and i am sure Master would agree.
 But i have used the internet many times to seek validation that i should be receiving from Master alone.  And also for comfort,  direction,  insight and encouragement that i should be seeking from Master not O/ others.  Others can interact and enhance but my purpose and validation and comfort,
 love,  direction,  encouragement,  pats on the back should come from Master and anything else is just gravy.  side dishes to enhance the main entree.  not the main entree.
 Master is to ALWAYS be the main entree.  i do get that now.  ~ snip~  i am not saying it is not good to hear and react with O/ others that are living an M/
s life etc.  But i see now that drawing from them instead of seeking out what Master needs of me and inwardly questioning Master and even myself instead of just focusing on Him.  being His slave.  doing His will,  that which He desires of me and being at His feet and available for what ever purpose He chooses.  Glad to get up and refill;
 His glass or throw something away instead of thinking " my body aches and i just sat down"  that is a wrong attitude &  thought process for me as His slave.  ~ snip~
 Following are excerpts of what my Master wrote to me ( last night)  What do I want of you? I want all of you without hesitation- forethought- holding back.
 I want total abandonment of yourself to Me.  Nothing less.  you will know when you have reached that plateau.  you will feel it deep inside of you.  ~ snip~
 you cannot feel these things until you reach the threshold of knowing you are where you need to be so that you will feel secure in O/ our relationship.  Blind obedience to My will and my desires.  The word " no"  will not exist in your vocabulary.
 you will feel and have nothing but positive thoughts and feelings about U/ us and O/ our relationship.  And I don't believe you can reach these emotional and mental goal until you have reached your physical goal.  When that happens all the things that you feel you need from Me you will receive.  Until then you have support and love and understanding -
 although sometimes it may not feel like that to you.  ~ snip~  W/ we will do things My way and that is the only way.  In am the Master Owner Lord Lover Daddy and when you accept these precepts fully only then will you be the slave you were meant to be.
 you are striving to reach perfection -  it is a never ending uphill battle but the rewards are great -  emotionally physically and mentally.  The only way you can reach these goals is to strip yourself of your old being and face the future in your nakedness,  totally accepting to divest yourself of your will and put on your Masters will in ALL things.  The only limits you should accept are the limits set by your Lord and Owner.
 It is the Master who sets the limits because it is He that pushes the slave towards them - never exceeding them or causing emotional or physical damage.  Distress yes -  damage no.  Each limit pushed is pushed with distress and each limit overcome is overcome with joy and satisfaction in knowing that you have pleased your Master and that He will reward you for pleasing him,  knowing that you have please Him for His physical pleasure and your emotional pleasure.
 ~ snip~  That woke me up.  i wanted to hear,  i wanted and even needed to know.  But the actual truth of it and knowing how far i am from what i should be hurt.
 deeply hurt.  ~ snip~  It basically destroyed me.  the me that was left,  the me that i thought was much gone.
 That Master sees as still mostly there.  she must go and submit herself to Him now as she thought she had already,  but understands now that she only has in part and that is what Master sees.  Master did comfort me last night and remind me this is a journey and that He knows my intentions and i have progressed much and going in the right direction etc and that helped.  Actually it made me understand that a few minutes of comfort,  encouragement,
 acknowledgement,  direction,  love from Master far surpasses hours of it elsewhere from O/ others.  i will make Master my complete focus now.  i will listen to His tapes,
 read the above He wrote to me and focus on Master;  put my attention and focus on doing the things i need to,  to please Him and to keep myself where He knows i need to be mentally and emotionally in order to be fulfilled also.  i need to go get Master breakfast now so i close saying the words i have said often that are so strong right now that they are like a knife penetrating me.  reminding me of Who Master is really is and who i am as His.  As You will and mold me i will submit all to You Master.
 i love You very much,  diamond 
