  They came, they laughed, and they left. Yes. The little gathering at my house is over, and I escaped with a mere broken blind, tipped over barbeque, and a little disapointment. When we were sitting in the bathroom with the door closed, her shirt open, I may have been the happiest person in the entire world. Nothing to care about, no worries about me at all. Then all within 10 minutes, the night came to a very sour end.
"Brian has some, you wanna try?". Of course I don't want to try. My beliefs on the subject are something not many people understand. And as is usually the case with things not understood, they are often not respected. Even by the people who claim to love you the most. Am I still mad?
Of course. Have I forgiven her? Not entirely. Have I found it in myself to move on? Certainly. It always happens this way, though.
As soon as I begin to trust, as soon as I begin to really believe, it is destroyed. A little alcohol and the peer pressure of one person she doesn't know that well is all it took. Even with me standing at the top of the stairs, screaming, begging her to stop, she put it in her mouth. At that moment, I was destroyed. Nothing I've ever felt compared to that moment...my heart sunk. I can't say as it's completely floated back up yet.
It usually takes dead things a few days to resurface. I was begging her to stop. She just looked at me, with a look of pure disgust, a look full of hate. Like nothing from the past year and a half mattered at all...there was so much I was feeling for her just moments before, and with that one look and the decision to go to the backyard, she threw so much of it away. It may take a long time for either of us to get them completely back. Finally, I went out to get her.
The smell, I couldn't believe the smell on her breath...It was the smell that drove me to take most of the pictures of her off of my wall. I don't know when, if ever I'll put them back up. I'm not a huge fan of empty reminders of days past. It's the same type of reminder that has led to the depression and lethargy I've been feeling the last couple days. It was that smell that drove me to consider myself for a few hours to be her ex-boyfriend. Yes, for a few hours, I was just a friend, taking care of a sick companion, stroking her hair as she filled with vomit an old tupperware container that used to hold the brown sugar I'd pour on my oatmeal when I had nothing like this to worry about.
Then, as the alcohol wore off, I considered what had happened. It was alcohol that led to all of this. It was alcohol that clouded her judgment, it was alcohol that made it seem right to rid myself of all the reminders of her I had collected over the past 18 months. And so, today, I'm pouring the remaining alcohol down the sink...I need a break from this shit... 
