  Hello. It's been quite a while since I've actually put anything of substance here. Yes. I was supposed to call Sonja to get her new Edmonton number before she left. I was supposed to do that at 9:30, but I seem to have slept in. It is now 10:50.
I will call her sister later and get it. I was out with them last night, well, I ended up with them. First I went in to Red Deer to meet Jenise. I was also supposed to meet up with Ashley and Chantelle and some other folk, but that never happened. Anywho, after getting to Catwalk with Jenise, we met up with some of the guys, and JP, Jason A, Skye and I ended up going over to Manhattans. Some day, I'm going to wear a suit to the bar .
This is where Sonja and Karin came in. It felt kinda like old times, but a thousand times better in a way. I really do miss those girls, well, actually, I miss all of the Rimbey people. Brodie, Jer, Mel, Shayna...yes. All of them. Meh, time goes on and friends get lost along the way.
And still, there's some people, like the Hehli's, or Amanda, where you feel like no matter how much time passes, some things will never change. And that's a good feeling. I'm rambling. The last week, I've spent almost as much time with Crystal as I have since we broke up. It's kind of nice, where we are now. The bitterness has almost faded, and we can get back to just being friends, talking about things, chilling on the couch watching TV, me doing her social homework.
I'm so used . I've also been spending a fair amount of time with Nikki. This makes me confused. I really do enjoy her company, but things have just kind of whirlwinded themselves into place, and I fear perhaps things have happened a little fast. I don't blame anyone for that, but as soon as everyone else found out we were both interested, it was just kind of assumed that we would date, and I don't know why. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would, and probably will.
And with expectations like that from others, what do you do if you decide you don't really like the person like that and it was just a passing crush? I mean, so far, she's great, but what happens if in the short future, something changes, she thinks I'm an ass, or something else just doesn't seem right? How do you end something when you're in that situation? Oh Boy. A urlLink FRIEND OF MINE ONCE WROTE: It's painful to make someone cry. If you have any morals at all, seeing someone in pain and being the cause of it rips away at your own soul.
Sometimes the pain you feel is more than their own. You can't condemn two people to a failing relationship. You have to be able to let go. Anything else is inhuman. And how true it is, for a while, I relied on that fear without knowing it. I relied on Crystals fear of hurting me to keep the dying relationship on life support.
And then with Krystal, it was me with the fear. I didn't want to hurt her, and so I led her on, which in the end, only hurt her more. Fear of hurting others is very real, and if left unconquered, it can do some serious damage... And then there's my current beliefs on the "dating" situation. Titles, like "dating", they mean nothing. I don't think you can just start a relationship by mutually agreeing that you should be in a relationship. A relationship has to be something that grows from a friendship and just sort of evolves to a point when you think about that person enough, and feel enough for that person that there is actually a commitment.
And that's my problem right now. As much as I want to be in a long term relationship, I don't know if I'm there emotionally enough for that yet. Last night, I felt so free, for the first time in a long while, there was little holding me back. And that is a good feeling. I guess there's a few people I need to talk to, huh? 
