  She says it's in the way that I act. I thought I was being understanding, content to sit there typing away on my computer while she quietly did her homework. And it's in the way that I act. I don't care that I don't always get the attention that I want from her, I realize it's not always possible. But there's always something that eventually sets me off into my little world of unhappiness. Today.
I know what it was today. We got back from the little pot-luck thing, and I was happy. Happy with her, and generally content with life. She still had some homework left to do, so I got out my computer and started playing a game. She sat down beside me and started kissing my neck and giving me the attention that I had been waiting for all day. I knew she still had homework left to do, so I paused my game, gave her a kiss back, and then resumed my game.
She persisted in kissing my neck and putting her arms around me. So I quit the game and shut my computer. As soon as I did this, she ignored me again, and decided to go back to the table. I hate her house, I really do. I'm sick of her family. Her and her sister are the only ones I can stand anymore.
It's not that I don't like them, I'm just...I see them too much. I'm there too much. If I told Crystal that, she'd say "well then, stay home". or "it's not my fault you work till 9 every night". Well, I can't stay home. All I want to do is spend time with you.
It's not my fault, I don't write the schedule. All I do want to do is spend time with her. I don't care what we do. I would love to be able to have a conversation with her, but I can't. I don't know how. But really, I can't blame myself for this one.
Recently, we don't get much of a chance to actually have a conversation. There's always someone around. At her house, NOBODY GOES ANYWHERE...there's usually at least 4 of the 5 of them there...and they are constantly checking up on us, making sure I'm not assaulting her or something. My house...well, let's just say my mom does too much laundry. I'm not a home-body. I like to go out, even if it's just to the mall or just to run a few errands.
She hates the mall. If I suggest that we go for a walk at Kin Canyon like we used to, the idea is immediatly shot down. I learned to stop making requests like that a long time ago. She's always tired. Or I'm always tired. Or she feels like crap.
Or I do something to piss her off. There's always something standing in the way of us being totally happy. She blames it on me, and I blame it on her. I don't know who's right, or maybe we're both just wrong. I try not to complain anymore about not seeing enough action, not feeling like she's there, not feeling like she cares. She constantly asks me why I it doesn't seem like I'm happy anymore.
I say to that, my feelings are directly related to how she treats me. When she treats me like she did on Sunday, like she's happy to see me, like there's nothing she'd rather do but run away with me and never come back. Those are the times when I'm happy. When she treats me like she does most of the time, like an annoyance, just someone who won't go away. Then I get...well, grumpy, for lack of a better word. There's been many stages in our relationship.
From the weird feeling I got from her putting my arm around her to last Easter Holidays when we would spend every night on the pullout couch in her basement just...exploring, to the incredibly "open-minded" time to where we are now. I can't tell you how much I miss all of them. All in all, I'm a simple person to keep happy. 
