  ON DEATH AND DYING: I've often thought of what it would like to be dead, in fact, over the past 3 or 4 years, it's been almost a daily thought.
Even on my way to Crystals house after my staff meeting, not knowing what conversation was to occur just a few moments later, I wondered what would happen if I turned in front of that snowplow, or drove off the overpass. Now, I'm not saying I'm suicidal, I'm not. I realize that if I ever did do something stupid like that, everything would be over.
Sure, it hurts to know that Crystal may not be back, but there's still a chance. If I wasn't here tomorrow, all that chance would be dead, just like me. No, I'd rather be alive and suffering than dead. I'm just saying, the thought has always been there....yes, it's been stronger the last two days...but it's just thoughts. 
