  Tonight's the night. I meeting with my sister and my therapist to try and work all this out. Here's the most recent email correspondence She wrote: I do have an agenda for our meeting. It is new. I really tried to think hard about what is going wrong. One problem that occurs for me is that I am not able to say what problems I have in our relationship. I fear your reaction. I fear that my words will always injure you. I fear that any issue that arises in our relationship will surmount into a long conversation filled with drama, elevated feelings and further discontent. But, I realized that letting my issues go, and not addressing them with you has allowed unresolved anger to come out in other ways. I am sure you are feeling this. When you say you want me to treat you better, I think this is what you are referring to. I do have a specific agenda to address in our meeting. I have no expectations for how it will go.
I wrote back: I know that my emotional reactivity and defensiveness has been a hindrance in you approaching me with problems or issues you are having about me. I have heard this from you and I am fully acknowledging that it is a hindrance. This unresolved frustration is a lot of what I sense when asking you to be nicer to me I'm sure, but it's certainly not all of it in the least. I think the biggest problem that occurs for me is that I really don't feel like I'm treated respectfully by you. Your responses to me are hurtful, often condescending, and I often feel like you sort of expect me to disappoint or frustrate you (which I believe you have agreed is an accurate observation). I also feel like you hold the unequal balance in our relationship and present my shortcomings in this inequity without acknowledging the importance of what I bring to the relationship, focusing on what I need to improve. I also feel an inequity in our relationship regarding the accommodation and attentiveness I bring. I don’t make a point of it b/c I feel I over extend in the ways I can to make up for the ways you extend that I cannot. I do not feel like our relationship is unequal, but I feel very under valued and appreciated in reaction to your persistence regarding the perceived lack of reciprocity.
Often the unexpressed frustration you were talking about can come off to me as if I am a burden and I resent you for that. Make no mistake about it; though you may not be voicing the real issues or problems, you are constantly informing me of your dissatisfaction and frustration. Also, in regards to difficulty confronting problems, I also find you unapproachable when I have a problem or issue in relation to you. In most of these serious conversations that we have, I often feel like you deflect the burden of the dissatisfaction and, by invalidating your behavior and its impact, the conversation turns towards my psychology and my reactions to your behavior. As if your behavior is in no way indecorous and I am just being emotionally reactive. In acknowledging that you have not been expressing certain frustrations in a clear way and have been acting aggressively towards me because of this, you own the responsibility for your behavior and I thank you for that. Furthermore, I am very uncomfortable with certain standards and ideologies that you hold as they affect me.
You have asserted in conversations past that you have worked long and hard to be the person you are and that you are done changing for people, yet you are constantly pushing me to change by your insistent displeasure with my behaviors, actions or inactions. You also have expressed the mantra of "forgive, but never forget", which is, by the way, a survivor's mantra. By applying this ideology to me, I feel I am never able to sway your perception of me. Because of past offences that you may still hold, I feel am locked into that negative perception.
I will also eventually need to bring up some other issues specifically regarding some feelings of betrayal. I don’t know if I will be able to go there in one session and still cover what seem to be the immediate interpersonal problems we are having. I have put a lot of thought into the session and I am not expecting complete resolution. that's that I don't really want to have this session. It will undoubtedly be difficult and upsetting, stressful... but it needs to be done, right? I'm just tired of feeling crazy. Feeling like every issue I have with her is a product of some emotional fallibility on my part. She negates every perception I have of our relationship, especially if it reflects negatively on her. I'm tired of her setting the rules that I have to follow or else be criticized and condescended to. I'm tired of being treated like a 12 year old when I am now twice that age. I'm tired of her air of superiority when I also have strengths that surpass hers.
I don’t even know what use there is in having this session tonight. She will go on believing what she believes and behaving as she behaves and live under the influence of her own defensive denial... and then she'll loose me and she'll still find some way of deflecting fault back onto me... but I won't care anymore, right? I don't want to do this... I don't have a choice... 
