  Okay so I'm going to admit something here. I'm a big fucking chickenshit. No, let me elaborate some, I'm a REALLY big fucking chickenshit.
It's almost five in the morning and I'm not in bed. Why? Because I'm scared of the fuckin dark, of what might be in the fuckin dark and I have this recurring nightmare while awake that someone is going to break into the house on me. So I guess that makes me a REALLY big paranoid fucking chickenshit. And could I possibly use the words fucking and chickenshit anymore to describe my fear and state of paralysis? I can't get to sleep unless it's near dawn because I'm scared. How freaking pathetic is that? And I won't admit it, that is until now. Nobody knew this, I wouldn't even tell my husband this until he asked me earlier on the phone WHY I didn't go to bed until 4 something last night.
Of course I gave him the standard, "Well I don't know I just can't sleep" bullshit excuse but the truth is, I'm to scared. And paranoid. I'm such a big freaking wimp. I'm fine if someone is here staying with me. But make me stay by myself and I get scared. I'm so tired but too afraid to go to sleep. I can't wait for Friday. 
