  urlLink I'm zee blonde urlLink Ok, so this is my boyfriend Joshua and me. The picture was taken right before my company Christmas party in 2003. I work for Paramount Computer urlLink http://www.pmount.com which sells refurbished HP and Compaq equipment. I do the Accounts Payable and Receivable. Originally I was just Receivables, but the girl who did Payables sucked . The problem though was that she was the "company daughter". She had been there almost since conception, starting off as a receptionist and moving up to A/P.
She had been trying to attend college for the past 7 years. Would start off with a few classes, then drop down to one, and fail it. She was a total partier and even when she wouldn't have class until 2 in the afternoon, she couldn't get to work until 11am, work a couple hours, and then leave for her one class. So yeah, A/P was doing pretty badly, but they couldn't get rid of her, so they "promoted" her to "sales assistant" and split her duties up between me and two other people in the company. Our receptionist handles the credit card stuff, a guy who majored in Accounting but is actually in internet sales audits the freight, supply,and utility accounts, and I take all phone calls relating to A/P and cut checks for all the bills. It's fun, let me tell you....(sarcasm). It was pretty cool at first because the accounts were a mess. So I got to do all the researching and comparing what our vendors showed we owed versus what our aging displayed. I like all that kind of stuff, problem solving. But now A/P is in shape, so my job is pretty boring. Unfortunately, while doing A/P, A/R has slipped a tad bit. So now I get to focus on that side more and hound people for money.
That is my least favorite part of the job. Being on the phone all of the time, given excuses with the run around...oh I can't wait until I get my orders to go to OTS! Get me out of this paper pusher hell! Now back to Joshua, I would much prefer to talk about him. We met back in 1999. We both worked for United Video, which was eventually bought out by Blockbuster. He hated me at first, lol. We always joke about how I had a crush on another guy who worked there, and would always talk to Joshua about him. Joshua started getting pissed because he didn't want to hear 19 year old immature talk about this other guy. Instead of just stopping, I went on the attack and said "You're just jealous because I don't like you!
" That annoyed him even more and he pretty much ignored me after that. So what did I do? I began hanging out with Joshua's roommate so that I could find a way to be around him more often. Eventually Joshua and I became good friends and when he needed a place to live, he came and stayed with me. We've been together ever since...awwww. But on that note, relationships suck. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that ALL relationships have issues no matter who your with.
We have had many problems and for the most part have worked through them. We have planned a life and a future together which I am looking forward to. If only the small day to day stuff didn't get in the way. In some ways I want to use this blog as a forum to bitch and moan and get stuff off my chest, but on the other hand I don't want to talk badly about my spouse. It's the way I am with so many things, I'm on the fence and sometimes I hop off on one side, and then I jump over to the other.
Basically Joshua had a really hard time growing up. He has changed for the better in so many ways, but it still is not good enough for me or my family. He has progressed by leaps and bounds and knows it. He says he has put forth the effort and feels that now I should start changing for the better as well. Basically I need therapy. For what I'm not too sure. I have been dragging my feet, but it's something I know I need to do. Nothing is ever good enough for me and I can be a complete and total bitch. Is that something therapy can overcome? I mean Jesus, maybe I would be a happier person if he would get a job, or if he could complete one class at the local Junior College.
Do I really need therapy, or do I need to get out of the relationship? If I seeked help for my emotional problems, would that give him incentive to not be so lazy? And I just hit the nail on the head. Why am I so worried about whether therapy will help him get motivated to keep changing? I need to do it for myself. I am a very competitive person, and it is coming through here. "I am a better person than him, so why should I keep becoming better, he needs to catch up with me and then I can start growing as well. " It's just me being arrogant. Ok, enough of this, I just solved my problem. Thanks for reading! 
