  [16978] I was telling Esther last night that I have a hard time drawing unless I'm violating the rules of HALT... the times when you're not supposed to drink. H ungry. A ngry. L onely. T ired. There's a big part of my life in which I don't feel like I'm making the best of my youth.
I'm living a life of uneasy content right now. I want to be hungry for something in life. I want the strength from anger. The reminders of my own humanity via suffering from loneliness. I want to feel weary and tired from all the abuse. My art is suffering from that.
The angry kid I was in high school produced such brilliant art. The hurt I felt from having a broken heart transferred onto canvas. I need that something... A doctorate is something I know I want, but as I have stated many times in the past... was the timing right? *** 
