  my big gay life (15) ***messy tantrum advisory*** WWWWWHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?! Why oh why did I do it?! I've been so good for an entire month...avoiding any internet contact with Dan...why oh why did I have to check out PlanetOut? Can someone tell me why it was so imperative that I do that to myself?? UGH! He's posted a personal ad...he posted it today , for chrissakes! TODAY ! My eyes! Oh, my eyes are burning...I didn't need to see that! I am such a dumbass!
Why did I do that to myself? And while I continue to flail about on the floor like an angry kindergartner, dear reader, please understand that TODAY is exactly one month since I was kicked to the curb. Chucked out the car window. Sent to the city dump. Wah! To top it off...I was digging around in my duffel bag for the one thing that could soothe me: my NSYNC import remix CD, when I happened upon the greeting card he left on my windshield one night while I was at the theatre...I came out after the show and found it on my car...it was sweet.
It had kittens on it. Wah ! Alas, the "deep passion of love" just was not there and all of our collective words, thoughts and kisses added up to a whole lot of nothing. Well, not nothing , exactly. I've experienced a whole heap of sadness. Sigh . Kharmically, I should probably wish him happiness and peace and good luck on not meeting a whole string of losers (which he will, cuz it's the internet) but fuckit! I wish me peace and happiness...and valium. 
