  It's been so long....I can't believe how long it's been. And I feel so disconnected from myself, I've been avoiding this. I have not wanted to write about my feelings or about my situation because it's an ugly situation, it's an ugly way to feel. I need to get over him, and I can't. I need to be free of him, and he won't let me go. I need a life and I refuse to make one for myself, I am needed by no one and that makes me so sad, so very very sad and angry because it's just not right. My life is not right! I need to re-commit, I need to get my act together and do something real, you know?
Next week I start my Bible Study class, and I really hope that it gets me in line, gets me into a groove with other people on the same quest. I really hate Daniel, sometimes, even though he has been a catalyst in my life I hate him and I don't know how to deal with that feeling, with that sense of utter despair that the departure of his fantasy leaves. I've tried new fantasies, I've tried numbness, I've tried food (and boy does it show! ) I've tried alcohol, which I think I may try again tonight because I'm feeling really sad and lonely and desperate again.
I'm going to copy & paste some of our recent exchanges, and you'll see why I feel like this...I think. Maybe I'm just deluding myself all over again, in a whole new way. I don't know. ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Yes Daniel -------Original Message------- From: Julia Wessel Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 10:37:04 AM To: 'Daniel Subject: RE: egocentricity Phew, you just made me blush! Im sure your imagination is better anyway, fantasy is always prettier than the real thing. Right? (please agree with me, I need to believe that) -----Original Message----- From: Daniel Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 10:22 AM To: Julia Wessel Subject: RE: egocentricity yes, but I have a very vivid imagination. Daniel -------Original Message------- From: Julia Wessel Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 10:01:05 AM To: 'Daniel Subject: RE: egocentricity Actually, I am. Too bad, no video for you! -----Original Message----- From: Daniel Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 9:43 AM To: Julia Wessel Subject: Re: egocentricity Oh, I misunderstood. I thought you were wearing really tight shirt... my bad Daniel -------Original Message------- From: Julia Wessel Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 9:37:10 AM To: 'Daniel Subject: egocentricity Mine is absolutely visible. (the smug smile, the cocky gleam in my eye, etc. ) -----Original Message----- From: Daniel Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 9:43 AM To: Julia Wessel Subject: Re: egocentricity Can one see an ego? If so, I do regret not having video mail. -------Original Message------- From: Julia Wessel Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 9:22:07 AM To: 'Daniel Subject: RE: Overland 2379 storage Too bad you dont have video mail, Id show you (now quit it before you endanger my virtue!
) -----Original Message----- From: Daniel Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 9:10 AM To: Julia Wessel Subject: RE: Overland 2379 storage what part of your ego needs it. Be specific. Daniel From: Julia Wessel Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 9:01:25 AM To: 'Daniel Subject: RE: Overland 2379 storage What a bunch of hooeyyou must want to borrow money.
How much do you need? Or are you going for the flattery will get you anywhere business? (because it will! My ego needs lots of stroking). -----Original Message----- From: Daniel Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 8:52 AM To: Julia Wessel Subject: RE: Overland 2379 storage I do not want to assume that "Great minds think alike" would include me, but if it does, I am honored to be in the same category as you.
Daniel From: Julia Wessel Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 8:53:19 AM To: 'Daniel Subject: RE: Overland 2379 storage Great minds think alike, you already confirmed what I sent you about my shipments today (it is a 126, not 124, just for the record). I should know better than to get impatient and just wait for you instead, huh? You always come through. Thanks for the confirmation of the storage, I believe this will be acceptable but will of course let you know if I need anything else.
Regarding the light duty due me, I wish you the same. julia -----Original Message----- From: Daniel Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 8:38 AM To: Julia Wessel Subject: Overland 2379 storage Good morning J-rod. Here is the history of Overland 2379. Flight departed Rio for Memphis on 12-27-03. We filed our entry on 12-28-03 and it was set up for Met exam on 12-29-03. The met team finished their exam on 01-02-04 and the release and hard copy were received on 01-05-04. Storage began on 01-02-04 and amounted to $60 per day or $4.00 per 100#s. We had 4 days of storage which amounted to $240.00. I do not have any back up, other than our check, and the notes that I took while I confirmed the storage charges. I hope this will be sufficient for you, but please let me know if you need anything else. Also, Paul will be down with 124 an 37 ( I can't remember if it is 124 pcs? ) from Spain by 09:00. JJES will be down later today with 56 cartons from Brazil. A wonderful day I hope you have and light duty is due to you. 
