  I have been avoiding writing like the plague....why? Because it's so hard to confront the demons, and they are definitely there, and definitely not happy ones. There are times when it is SO good to be with him again, talking and laughing and hanging out, we go at the debates just like old times, but then I stop and think, it's not old times.
Things are so different, things are so wrong. And then I cry, again. And then the next day I wake up and talk to him again and everything is beautiful...for a while, until I realize the actuality of the situation again and then it all goes downhill again. Life is never easy but when you make the choices I have made, and you make the mistakes I have made, and you continue to live out your own will instead of God's, let me tell you, it's rougher than you thought possible. 
