  A response...Sort of... urlLink Stephen has returned to blogging and all is well with the world again.
I read his posts yesterday [at the time the post about Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon was the recent one] and have just now caught up with the updates...and still one post in particular stood out, not just for its title but for its content. Maybe it's just because I'm dealing with my own issues about beauty and whatnot, but I found it interesting. I was thinking up a response in my head but never got around to putting it down...In fact I wasn't even going to post it.
But I figured maybe someone else out there is battling with their own issues of beauty and would want to see a different point of view. He wrote a post praising beautiful women [as well as the urlLink string bikini which is usually found on said beautiful women] and went on to discuss the evolution of chick-watching as it applies to him.
He also went into detail about his view on how women themselves have changed, and again I found that interesting since I can only go by what I have experienced on my short time on this earth. Some of the things that attracted my attention are the following: The feminists of my generation pushed the notion that the whole idea of feminine beauty was a male plot, a way of restricting women. "Beautiful" to a woman (some women, anyway) came to be treated the same as "nigger" to blacks. Me and my fellows of that generation learned to become sensitive-new-age-guys out of self defense. One never complimented a woman on how she looked; one would look for ways of affirming her intellectual prowess and her general personhood. Sigh. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ I'm glad I wasn't alive for this...While I'm happy that it has given me the ability to go to school and work a job instead of staying home and doing housework, I'm not sure if I'd really want to be a part of that.
The benefits are wonderful, but...I think that something else along the way was misplaced. Sacrificing one part of womanhood for another kinda makes me jittery; eventually I do want to become a mother with all that wonderful-ness that goes along with it.
[I've already said that you should one day watch out for my daughter! ] But it's nice to decide which path I want to follow and when I want to follow it. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ Young women now have a different attitude entirely: men like beauty, so making ourselves beautiful gives us power over men. Far from being seen as a form of treason, beauty is now seen as a fulfilment of the ambition of feminism.
The true philosophical goal of the movement was to free women from having to live up to the expectations of men, and instead to let them to be whatever they want. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ Becoming what I want; like I said, this is a wonderful thing. I can be the entrepreneur, computer programmer, photographer that I want to be instead of being expected to breed and clean. All is well. Again, I like having the freedom to decide which path I want to follow. But what if being beautiful is something that I want and I know that I cannot attain it?
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ And these new second-generation feminists rediscovered beauty. What they found is that it's fun to make men tongue-tied; to have them open doors; to let them pay for dates. It's an ego-boo to have men watch you, as long as they don't get too obnoxious about it. And a woman who makes herself beautiful can use that to control men, which is something we men have known for a long time.
And though beauty does to some extent depend on natural endowment, it also does depend a great deal on attitude and it can be substantially enhanced or diminished by its possessor. And the young women are again trying, and it does this old middle-aged man's hormones heart good to see it. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ You know? I agree with this. Everyone likes to be looked at "in that way" even if it is only for a second before the person continues walking down the street. And it must be fun to be the woman who walks down the street and has every guy on it look at her at least once, normally twice.
I wish I was that woman, but I'm not. And that part about making myself beautiful? Sure, I can make my face beautiful through the usage of what is essentially bodypaints, but what happens when I wash it all off? What then? You're still left with me. Plain old scarred up me; hence why I don't bother with that stuff. [Yes, I know how to put on makeup, one year of torture beauty school taught me all I needed to know. ] I remember a comedy show on I believe it was HBO but I don't remember...It was a Chris Rock comedy show.
In it, he discusses the dating game and how men and women relate to each other -- One part he said something that women are the biggest liars in the game because they wear makeup and high heels and whatnot and [sorry, not a direct quote, I'm working on memory here! ] because of this "You're not meeting the real woman, you're meeting her representative. " If I can find the exact quote I'll post it, but I'm sure someone out there knows what I'm talking about.
However, it's that last part that I can't agree with, and I'll go into it later. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ So let's hear it for the string bikini, and for detente in the war between the sexes. The wearing of a string bikini truly satisfies the philosophy of feminism: be what you want to be, not what someone else tells you to become. You don't have to become a bimbo because some men tell you to, but you also don't have to allow some women to force you to become a hag. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ Hag. Hrrrm. See, here's the thing. I don't like my body. In fact, I hate it.
While I wish I could wear urlLink this , I know that such is only a urlLink pipe dream . I am not blessed with good genetics to give me a urlLink beautiful body ; my bone structure and frame doesn't have the capacity for a beautiful flat stomach, a generally lean body and pretty curves. It's just not gonna happen. And while I wish I could wear an over-the-top swimsuit like urlLink this , I'll consider myself damn lucky to ever get back to wearing a urlLink normal swimsuit .
Yet, even in that picture, the woman is slender and has a beautiful body. Yes, I understand dear reader, that all of the women in those pictures are models...and Victoria's Secret models at that. But I look around at the women I see and most of them if they don't share the same body type as those models, they have something very similar. It seems as there is no inbetween; you either see a normal in-proportion lean body type or the grossly overweight body type out on the streets.
I understand that I will never be a model; I understand that my body type, bone structure and frame is completely different than of the models shown. I understand this , but it doesn't make things hurt any less, because...let's face it...they are truly beautiful and I am not. Some people me that I need to learn to love what I have, but it is difficult in the face of lean beautiful people out there.
I know that I will never be able to have a body that will ever wear urlLink this gown and that makes me sad; it's one of my favorite gowns out there. I love the way it falls and looks so wonderful...But I know I will never wear it. It's hard coming to grips with that. I can curse and rant and rave and rail against my genetics all I want but I will never become taller nor will I suddenly have a normal body.
It's difficult. I go to the gym constantly, but this is more for my health than beauty. My overweightness is screwing with my health and I just can't have that. Rather than consider surgery for my knee, I'd rather ease the load my bum knee needs to carry; after all, it never started giving me a whole lot of trouble until the pounds started packing on. I also like the fact that I have now conquered the city-hill-walkway leading to my school; I don't get winded anymore climbing it.
I like feeling stronger and being able to help my father lift and carry more things when necessary. I can handle that, but there is still a part of me that says, "Yes, but you will never have the body you want. HA! " I try to shut that voice up. Sadly, that inner voice is echoed out loud [or is it the other way around?
] by my mother who, with her background as a registered nurse, should know better. Apparently she feels that if only I put in a little more effort and worked harder, I would attain a body that could wear a string bikini and rock it. I however, am a realist in that sense; I know I never will, but whatever, at least I'll be healthier. My attitude? My attitude is one of "fuck it" now. I have parts of myself that I like and that will never change but deep down I wish I could be beautiful in the way these other women are.
Ah well. Too bad; all I have is myself. I have to live with myself so I might as well accept myself, but it's still hard. Sometimes I think that it's a blessing in disguise...Like when I was younger and into the Goth scene. I would either wear the urlLink long black velvet dresses or urlLink long black satin dresses complete with fishnet stockings on my legs [and urlLink my arms for this effect but mine were just old fishnets cut down to arm length] and urlLink 20 eyelet steel toed boots on my feet. Sometimes I'd swap the long dresses for urlLink something short like this and urlLink black wings to complete it.
Yes, had you seen me you would have either: A. ) run away screaming B. ) laugh and make fun ---OR--- C.) not give a damn and talk to me anyway. I've had my share of B, but it was those who fit into C that made all the difference. Most of them I still talk to and are good friends; a blessing in disguise. I filtered out the stupidly shallow people from even bothering to talk to me because my appearance was so wild. Kind of like now, but not really. The fat thing filters out the overly shallow people and leaves me with intelligent people to talk to, but it still hurts that I'm not one of them ; you know, the Bikini Women.
Hell I'm not even a part of the Swimsuit Women. I'm a part of the urlLink Fun And Comfy Pants Women , the urlLink Really Big And Comfy Jeans Women , and the urlLink Comfy XL T-Shirts With Amusing Sayings Women . You don't like me? Screw you. Whatever. I'm fat, I'm ugly and who really gives a shit? That's my attitude. So maybe Stephen's right...if I change my attitude to one of "I'm beautiful even though I'm fat" then maybe more men would look at me, but you know what?
A fat woman can have that attitude all she wants, but she's still not gonna be able to rock a string bikini . I have a song that I love, that I listen to often and part of it goes like this: If I was beautiful like you I'd be quick to assume They'd do anything to please me...why not? I see their reaction when you walk into the room But that would never be That would never, never be 'Cause I'm not beautiful like you I'm beautiful like me... Joydrop: "Beautiful" I like it because it reminds me that maybe I don't have to be beautiful like the normal people. OF course it's hard for me to believe that, but I'm working on it...Since "Damnit, I'm BEAUTIFUL!!!
...Just, ummm, on the INSIDE! " only gets you so far... Eh whatever. I'm probably not making much sense anymore. I think it's time to sleep. 
