  okay. so yes,  I still am slightly weirded. and,  as any good psychology major would,  I have tried to psychoanalyze myself and come up with the following (
please realize feelings have absolutely nothing to do with what is reality)  I was nuts because mr x was my back- up plan. yes,  yes,  very sad to admit.
but in my head ( not the rational part I might add)  he was who would be there when no one else would be. being someone with low self- esteem/ self-
worth and having had many many many people walk right out of my life,  here was a guy who thought I was god's gift to human kind.  Yes,  I do realize he was also psychotic,  but that really has nothing to do with my point.  So,
 when I find out he has now replaced that sound philosophy with someone else,  it was disturbing. what about our hypothetical children?  What about our rendezvous in 10 more years?  Yes,  I know this was never going to happen,
 but what if?  Now,  I have no one as back- up. which,  realistically,
 is good.  Still a little weirded out. tempted to call and say " congrats" weirded out by the possibility there will be children not involving me. but overall,
 happy. why?  Because in the real world he was a crazy m'er f'er and this means he won't be darkening my doorstep. no,  that is just a defense mechanism. glad because it sounds as though he has moved on and has,
 hopefully,  found someone that will make him happy and is right for him. just like I found the one that is right for me.
