  I just finished reading through my past blogs...obviously, I have not a whole lot to do today...anyway...it is funny how I have the astounding ability to embarass myself. The difference is, as of late, I can be the one laughing the loudest. The sad thing is that I still do not have a great sense of self-esteem...but oddly enough, it is like I have accepted who I am and am at peace with it...don't get me wrong, I still have moments where I try to be someone for other people but I'm trying to get better with that...I need to stop trying to justify my actions and just respond "take it or leave it, it is who I am and if you don't like it, there is the door"... As for S...well, we are talking again.
It is weird...she has the same sick sense of humor and as a person who has had a past with ed, seems to be with me eye to eye on many levels...I don't think I can call her my bf...i think she just understands me more than anyone else in my life (girl friend wise). I have gotten over the stealing thing...I forgive her but it makes me understand I need to be smarter than that and take it for what it is. My other bf is getting married...I am bummed. I was really hoping to see tickets go done so I could fly out there to be with him but it isn't going to happen.
So, I will see him for a minute or two at his reception here and go from there. It will be interesting to see what his wife is like...supposedly, when S was talking to him, his fiance kepts making statements and finally t told her he would have to call her back...which makes me wonder if that is why he wanted to get off the phone as soon as she got home when we talked...S is dying for the reception...her mr x will probably be there and his wife is now pregnant so she wants me to try to get a picture...lmao!
I continually make changes to myself...and, hopefully, they are for the better. It is truly amazing to see where I have been. I think a lot of the growth with my emotional health can be accredited to the met. I really feel like my hormones have finally leveled out and am able to stay even keel most of the time. There was a time where I really thought I must be crazy...I couldn't understand what was going on or why I was so depressed...I'm starting to believe most of it was from the hormones going crazy...I feel like a new person and it is good to be here! 
