  wow. no wonder it seems like a long time,  it has been a long time!  I am officially fighting depression again. I have been so happy on met,  it seems to help with a lot of things.
 The hair has been falling out more slowly,  the extra hair has been growing not so fast,  and the mood swings seem to have evened out.  I should be thankful to be where I am at. it used to be about once a week I would wake up and not be able to motivate myself to get out of bed. literally.
 I would lie there absolutely incapable of moving.  It was not good.  There was no rhyme or reason and really nothing that I could pinpoint triggering it to come upon me or to lift. now,  of course,  I realize it was my hormones and body being so absolutely out of order but back then,
 I thought it was me and that I was the biggest of all losers. the weight thing hasn't really been helped with the met,  but I haven't applied myself either.  The memory thing is still shot to hell but the results I have gotten,  I couldn't be happier with. well,
 here I am again,  fighting depression.  Don't get me wrong,  I know it could still be the hormones. but it could also be my life.  I mean,
 after what happened to hubby at work,  I was so freaked out and concerned for him. my body can handle like zero stress. my brain literally gets fried,  I get exhausted,  and I just can't handle it.
 It is so strange because I used to be such a stressed out junkie. I lived on stress. now,  the new reality is that I can't give a shit about a lot of stuff that I probably should because I will get a headache,  get exhausted,  or just get physically ill.
 Anyway,  between hubby's job,  my work,  etc. things have been stressful for us.  So,
 yesterday at work,  I had a meeting that did not go so well. no particular reason,  just one of my peers was laid off and yet we are reassured not to be concerned for our jobs. yeah. also,
 I have had mad reports to get done that get confusing and so indepth it is hard for me to focus. so after a day of that,  I am greeted with my hubby and son,  son is sick,  hubby is pissed at son,  so that sets me off.
I try to gently remind hubby he is the adult and he is letting a FOUR year old get the best of him. of course,  he gets pissed at me then. so all this is adding up,  I get home and have a terrible headache,  which turns into a migraine.
well,  b has awana so I can't take the meds that I can't find anyway. so I take him to church,  can't bring myself to go up to the bathroom to search for the meds,  so I lay on the couch and konk out. well,
 I never heard the doorbell and pounding when my dad brought b home,  so who knows how long they were out there. got him to bed and then I am wide awake,  with a migraine,  and now the nausea has set in. so,
 I stay up for another two hours wishing I could make myself upchuck. I wanted to die,  I felt so miserable. finally,  I find some flat coke to drink ( pop,
 not drug)  force some down my throat and truck it up to bed. thankfully,  the headache is GONE today,  just the nausea remains.  All this to say.
I can't deal with stress. I'm just tired of being physically exhausted.  Thankfully,  hubby says a lot less when I tell him I must lay down. but it is still hard.  Until you have dealt with exhaustion,
 please don't tell me that you know how I feel. I'm wishing for the days where I was just tired. I'm talking about fatigue,  exhaustion. as in,  I have to motivate myself to move every muscle in my body.
even typing this shit is wearing me out. not just mind tired,  soul,  body,  spirit tired.
