  ok. see 6/ 3/ 02. started to think I had made a complete ass of myself and i was determined NOT to call Mr X- yet still,
 I desperately wanted to the ball to stay in my court.  hahahaha. he called yesterday and now the ball is in my court:  We talked for about 30minutes. not really about anything,  I told him that we had gotten away for the weekend,
 etc and that was about it. nothing earth shattering,  but definitely only a " friend"  basis.  and that is truly all that I feel.
 We talked about the " old"  days. i told him how i had found a couple boxes of jr high/ high school stuff at my parents and how halarious it was.  And it truly felt like I was talking to an old friend from the past and once we hung up it was over.
no pining,  no wondering. yippee!  And the best part is I will never call him again and I won't have been the last to call:  anyway. b still has a temp but all else is fine.
so I will take him to the dr tomorrow if he still has a temp but i really have no idea what it is from.  tt my bf. it was so awkward.  I don't really know why but i didn't feel comfortable talking to him and there were some definite barriers. could it be the lectures i was getting?  okay.
when i said i had to watch my mouth because b mimics EVERYTHING i meant i had to stop saying things like " crap"  etc. the expletives have left my vocabulary a while ago,  i'm not that stupid. ahh,
 another word that i need to stop using!  Anyway,  got a two minute lecture about how if i can't say it in front of b,  should i be saying it at all?  hmmm. its not that i can't say these things in front of him,
 however,  i would prefer my son not to go around saying crap and stupid. thanks!  that was just one of several lectures and i sound more pissed ( another one!  than i really am.
just annoyed.  not at him,  but at how the message was delivered. also sad that it seems we have gotten to a place we probably won't come back from and i'm not sure how or why we are there.  then my other bf. seems like she's avoiding.
don't know if she is but everytime i talk to her she has to get off the phone suddenly but promises to call back. she usually does a few days later but still. i don't think we've had a good conversation in weeks. i think it is her whole mr x thing. she says there are absolutely no feelings toward him,  only anger.
but anger comes from hurt and hurt from openness. so it started from somewhere and maybe she has never had closure. her mr x got engaged and that has to be rough. i don't know how i would feel.  but she told me before that she had successfully stuffed those thoughts until we started talking again,  so maybe i'm the link and she is trying to forget.
i haven't even told her that i think i can come out this fall!  lots more to tell,  but i have to work since i am leaving early today.
