  hmmm...so much for being back in a few! I am beginning to think I have an anti-social personality disorder. I don't like being around people! I would much rather prefer to stay at home, relaxing by myself than to be around "friends"...and this is another issue, why is it that I always push away those that reciprocate friendship and draw near to those who suck the life out of me?! I think that I don't want people to know "me" and so I only keep those around who minimally acknowledge my existence...why? I hate to say this, but that is how my family has always been. Not that I am jumping into the "I blame mom and dad for all my short-comings/problems" but I really don't think that they know who I am...quite honestly, they choose not to. I can't tell you how many times I tried to let them in...desperately, but they can't handle it. Ultimately, I feel like there is something morbidly wrong that causes people a) to not want to get to know me or b)to run as soon as they get a glimpse.
Therefore, I don't enjoy being hurt, so I keep those who would be kind at an arm's length distance and pull closer the ones that just use me anyway... Case in point...my maid of honor. Why? That is all I can say! She has never been and never will be a true friend, yet I continue to knock myself out for her. After this shower, I'm done...not that I won't talk or do lunch with her, but I am done beyond that... It just is kind of a bummer when I sit back and think of all the true friends I've shut out and the fact that I don't really have any in town. One of my bf called to wish me a happy mother's day, I just started balling...she moved to IN and I miss her alot! I never fully explained everything to her, but I never felt that it caused a growth defect in our friendship either.
When she left, I was VERY removed...in fact, I still haven't returned her call...I'm a bum...my other bf lives in TX...yeah, that's a hike! But we have the best time on the phone, I just wish I could see her every once in a while! anyway...enough wallowing in self-pity... Not much else is new...the hubby about killed me because I spent $300-400 this weekend...I decided I was going to finish buying the "big" items for the house...and, oops, I forgot a couple things.
They will HAVE TO wait...I seriously think he will suffocate me in my sleep if I spend any more! No Mr X...hmmm, wish I would have been the last to call, now I feel like an ass... 
