  I really should have written this a long time ago, but it has been a crazy week... So, we went to the 4th of July parade like hubby insisted...I really didn't know what to expect. I assume he remembers that is where I saw Mr X but neither of us have said anything about it, being the good little communicators that we are! So, we parked at the High School parking lot and walked...hubby said that he was going to find us a great spot...in my head played the theme from Jaws...I tried not to be obvious when I let out a humongo sigh of relief when we passed Mr X's Parents house...but I hadn't released the whole sigh yet when hubby said "how 'bout here? " Okay...less than one house down from Mr X's...ew. And, of course, the direction the parade comes is the direction I have to look to see the house.
At first, I thought I was clear...I saw sister, grandpa, stepmom, and dadl but no Mr X..then it hits me...the guy in the hugely baggy shorts, ugly blue tshirt, and BALD man is Mr X! Wow...what a year can do to a guy! I tried to stifle my laugh...he is BALDING...and he looks like he has some disease because he is MUCH thinner than when we were dating. Now, when we were dating, I was less than a 6 with pelvic bone and ribs sticking out and we would compete to see who had more pelvige...but he is way beyond that point...serioiusly, sickly.
Then I saw the new thang...old...bad perm up in a barrette and banana clip, bad bangs, worse glasses....short shorts--too much cellulite for me! and a halter top...now, I do not practice ageism...but unless you have a seriously rockin' bod...you should not be in a halter top! Those were made for skinny girls with moderate bosoms. No big hooters...no barely there...there is a specific body type that can get away with a halter and she was FAR BEYOND it!!!
So, that made me want to burst out even louder! Ah...it really was good for my ego... Alas, I settled down and enjoyed the parade with my balding hubby and son...so thankful I wasn't about all that. Then, I realize Mr X and sister are standing exactly opposite of me! I really tried not to look up...very difficult, but I didn't want to let on that I knew they were right there...I really don't know why they were, unless they realized or thought it was me and was just verifying that fact.
But, I haven't heard from him, so I don't know if he saw me or not...Now, I dressed kinda cute, but not too obvious...my flare jeans and a pink tank top...the pink accentuates my tan:) No, really I hate tank tops, but I have this evil multi-faceted tan going on and I knew it would be a primo opportunity to try to get it evened out...boy, would I like to know what the reaction was:) But...I probably never will. Hubby is really having a hard time with this whole thing...and he has every right to. Counselor said a) I should've never done it (i would agree in theory) and b) I owed it to hubby to be honest a LOT sooner...again, I agree in theory. Am I making excuses? no...I 100% agree that I crossed the line. However, the results were satisfactory for me and will help me in the long run...it is so hard to explain.
But...if I hadn't called him, I would still be fantasizing about our "life" together and wishing it was over between my hubby and I ...plus, I have been able to get closure on a lot of questions and have been able to look at Mr X with the light of reality, not romanticizing it... as for point b...i think i would have done more damage to tell him in the midst of it that i was 2 minutes from walking out. I would have had to deal with the counselor and hubby's emotions/reactions and not been able to fully complete this.
Selfish? yeah, probably...but again, it allowed closure to an area I really didn't think would ever see the grips of death, and now i can happily say its done. hubby doesn't believe that, and I really can't blame him...its like a bad re-run. but i have never had so much peace about this area...and there really are no more questions in my mind about what happened between mr x and i... my bf is pissed i even said anything and said i was selfish to tell him.
then she said i should have told him after the first time if i was going to tell...hmm, she's fucked up. she continues to lie to her hubby and i think she just wants drama in my life to vicariously live through...sorry chicky! I hate drama...i apologize this whole fiasco caused drama, but it was not my intent...i've been over that since college...maybe that's her deal, she never went to college...now, I'm just being mean.
it just really disappointed me that she was so harsh and that it was so obvious that she wasn't giving sound advice. that really leaves me back at square one with no one to give me sound advice. i guess that means i am stuck with therapy for the rest of my life?! NO THANK YOU! I am scared poopyless for the day I have to go to counseling to talk about this whole thing. We went to ss yesterday and I SWEAR he changed the lesson once he saw me...that's what we call Conviction (notice the capital C!!!)... i'll fill in the rest later...gotta work...yuck! 
