  ugh...why does it seem this week is just dragging? can it be Friday yet??? My Uncle Fran died this week...well, he was really my great uncle. I knew him but I didn't know him well. He lives in Manistee and, well, we hardly ever went up there. He had cancer so I am glad the pain has stopped. I'm not going to pretend I am devastated because I really don't know him...but I always feel sad when another family member dies. It reminds me how little I know about my extended family. It started a conversation with my mom about my dad's side. Who was related how...it also brought up that my dad's side has the possibility of the cancer gene as well. Well, that is great to know...my dad won't go get tested even though his dad, his grandfather, and now his uncle have all died from cancer. His grandfather and dad had prostate cancer! How I never knew this, I don't know...but I think it is VERY important to know for B's sake.
It just has me thinking about all the probability that I have the mutated gene. J escaped but I have always been the mutant health-wise in the family. So why should this be any different?! I know I haven't been prepared thus far to find out...but maybe next year. I am at the beginning of a road...I feel good. Yeah, I know my body is still messed up but I feel that I have finally adapted a lifestyle in which I am doing all that I can to help myself.
I am taking my meds almost religiously (I forget once in a blue moon), I am watching my diet and eating mostly fresh veggies and fruit, and, the kicker, I am excercising regularly. Other than adding in a multivitamin, I've done my part...now the meds need to start doing their part and my body needs to wake up... I also am back at a place where I am not obsessing about baby...do I still want another one? Most definitely! But, I'm not beating myself up nor am I mourning something I may never have...I'm back where I can say, if it is meant to be, it will happen. I'm back to the place where I can see how much I love hubby and B and know that our family is such a blessing and more than some people have in a lifetime. I'm content with the way things are... Sometimes, I think by not taking care of my body, I was hoping a baby would come and then it wouldn't be that big of a deal..does that make sense?
I just feel that if I whip myself back into shape and THEN get pregnant, I will end up totally out of whack again. Having B sent my body over the edge and I don't want that to happen again...obviously, if I did get pregnant, they know what I have now and I am on meds for it so it may not cause havoc...but it may. I guess that is selfish of me but if I'm doing all this work, I don't want to end up back at square one or at square negative fifty!
Anyway, my whole ramble was started because, I think, if I continue on the right path, I will just get stronger and stronger. It has been a year since I found out I have PCOS, so next year will be two. If I am still mentally healthy in dealing with it and not just shoving it on the back burner, I think I will be mentally prepared to find out about the gene.
It is weird...I have always assumed I have it so I don't really know why I want to get tested. Except, that is one more thing I will need to see specialists about and have tests, etc...I will need to stay on top of it. My mom read me an article with the statistics...basically, by 60 years old, 87% of the women with the gene have produced cancer. That is frightening! I need to have the test done so, if I have the gene, I can have the tests to help keep an eye on my body.
Right now, my gyn told me he can't get insurance to pay for anything because they will see me as too young...bastards. So, now that I am feeling pretty good about the PCOS, I need to start preparing myself to take the test. I can't imagine how weird it would feel if I found out I don't have the gene...I have never really given much thought to that possibility... Enough on the philosophical...B has to have his adenoids removed. The Dr explained it is relatively easy surgery and does not have the pain associated with tonsil removal.
Both hubby and I agree we need to do this...we do NOT want him to get an infection in the sphenoid again. I know B will be a trooper about it but it doesn't lower the worry factor! We are looking at the end of July...hopefully it will work out because that will be after we get back from our cruise and before the NASCAR races. I do NOT want to miss the races...not for me, but B has been told for about a year he could go with his dad and gramps and I know he is excited...I just don't think that would be fair to do to him. 
