  rats...I was trying to take a break from this to read email...I hate spam! So, basically, I relayed this all to hubby. He got home extremely late and I was starting to panic that she had called him first...you see, there were times in the past where, when faced with choosing sides, I was on the losing end. Basically, four years of our marriage was that way...so, I'm a little paranoid when it comes to that. No, she hadn't called, he was just busy at work. I relayed to him how I felt. My feelings are really hurt that she refuses to talk to me about this and that she basically told me I am blowing this out of proportion.
I also told him that she tried to manipulate me with tears. He completely disagrees. I tried to explain that women use this technique all the time. If someone can turn them on and then turn them right back off, that is a pretty clear indication they are trying to manipulate you. I think we agreed to disagree because I think he thinks I'm nuts. Oh, yeah...I forgot the other part. The day I had this conversation? THURSDAY. Which means hubby was going to be at home the next night...duh! I'm so tired of parts of my brain not participating in group activities! Therefore, because I left a lot of room open to confuse my mil, hubby would now have to be the one to call...doh! Anyway...everything peachy? Not really...my spastic colon is in full force..I have spent the better part of the last 48 hours in a bathroom...Thursday night I think I got a total of 1 1/2 hours of sleep...all I can think about it the fact this is all going to be blamed on me... So, enter Friday morning...hubby gets a call from his brother. Wondering what happened and what the conversation was...I think.
See, by this time, hubby has become very elusive with me. He won't really answer questions and won't give a rundown of what is being said. The basics he told me...brother says this is not the comment that was made the comment was more "They were in a different financial situation than you are, if you would prefer to have something else, let us know. " Which, at first, holy crap! That changes things...but as my good friend Kate pointed out, it is still the same thing.
Yup, you're right it is...it sounds more pc but its the same...just wrapped prettier...bil also said that fil had called him in the morning to ask him what scott's mental and emotional well-being had been last time they talked and that I had called and chewed my mil's ass. He also said that he had had a long chat with M and that we should not read much into what she says because she is pregnant. There are SOOOO many issues I have with this...did I miss the part where being pregnant effects your brain and mouth? Don't give me that bs...I was once pregnant too! To which hubby says, I don't remember you being like that before you were pregnant but you were like that after...yup, you are right...and if you wouldn't have interrupted me, that is EXACTLY what I was going to say...but through it all?
I knew what I was saying and I didn't blow things out of proportion and blame it on pregnancy! (Side note...we now know the reason I was so emotionally unstable after b was due to my PCOS...which they are JUST NOW taking care of...so back off...) Also, and the biggest one...I CHEWED HER ASS????!!!! Trust me, if you are about to get your ass chewed by me, you will know it when I am done that this is what just happened...NEVER did I raise my voice.
But, when I mentioned this to my mom, she had a good point...mil lies and manipulates, we know this just from the conversation the previous night...so what would stop her from lying and manipulating the ears she is bending? And, since B was in bed and I was alone, it is my word against hers and we all know who's the loser in that situation.
Hubby claims bil never shed his opinion on the whole matter...he didn't say who's side he is taking...okay, but at the same time, he is sayiing it is my fault that I took to heart what M said, I should have known better...so isn't that saying he thinks I'm at fault for this? Add to that his comment to hubby that he thinks mil is abusing her drugs and that plays a part...okay, so everyone else has an excuse and the one left standing without the excuse is the loser? Wow...everything really can be pointed back to me. I tried to explain to hubby...this woman had a chance to explain. I point blank asked her twice what exactly the comment was but she chose not to answer. RIGHT THERE she shows that she does not deem me good enough to carry on conversation or relationship...obviously, she knew then this was not the comment she made, why didn't she tell me what she had said? IT WOULD HAVE ENDED THE CONVERSATION. You know why I think? Because I think SHE knows that what she meant is what I was told she said...I think she knows that the real comment she made IS the same thing and it is the same thing because she MEANT it as such.
I am not going to try to make excuses...you are an adult, own up to your comment. Do I need to make an excuse for being hurt by you? Last time I checked, it is the person's responsibility who does the hurting, not vice versa. If the comment wasn't made, sure, that changes the hurt associated with the comment...but after our conversation, there is new hurt...hurt that you have confirmed what the last five years have been about...you don't like me, you don't want a relationship with me, and you wish I would just go away.
I'm so sick...I'm trying to figure out what went wrong...what did I do wrong that caused this woman to hate me so much? If I can accept you and try to love you because of who you are to the two most important people in my life...why can't you? I really feel like running away and not leaving a forwarding address. I asked my hubby what his stand is on this and what Jason's stand is...he said it doesn't really matter what either of their opinions are...like hell!
I have put up with five years of your family thinking the worst of me...five years of their manipulations, hurtful digs, and their obvious dislike of me...WHY would I care what they think? I know what they think...you are the only person out of this whole mess that I care about...it is ONLY important to me that you believe what I am saying. "Well, you're the one I have to live with, of course, I'm going to believe you..." Well, that doesn't sound good to me...believe me because you believe me, not because you HAVE to live with me. If you don't believe me, I would rather know that...I don't want you throwing misguided belief. YOU KNOW ME...are you telling me you really think after five years of hell with your mother I took this opportunity to give her the smack down?
I am so different than I used to be, maybe a year ago, I would have...but not now. What the hell would that solve? So, apparently, you don't know me as well as you should either...you too think the worst of me but aren't going to admit that to your family because that is your duty as my husband... So, all of yesterday, he tried to get ahold of them and couldn't...do I think this was on purpose?
Probably. I want to talk to dad, I want to talk to bil...I want to simply tell them, look, Scott and I reacted to what we were told...I was trying to clear up what happened. I would hope you would realize that I tried to use the utmost respect and never was there a point where I yelled at her. It probably won't happen...hubby expects fil to call and yell...why? I was an adult...I didn't yell...you are an adult, you deserve the respect of not being yelled at... gotta go...about to be sick... 
