  well...she came. It wasn't too weird. We basically chased toddlers around the whole time...I'm sure the teeny bopper at Formula K was glad to see us go. She explained her marital status...they separated. The next day, he was having sex with a chick from work. A month later he wanted her back...they started talking about things, then found out he got this girl pregnant. What a load of crap! She is having a hard time deciding what to do...I don't envy her! I told her to follow her heart/head about what was the best for her and her daughter. How tough...split up your household or deal with his stupidity for the rest of your life...what a choice. My older sis was back in town...I was weird...what else is new? I don't know what it is about all of us being together, I can't deal. It's like I'm back in middle school...I have good relationships, for the most part, with each on an individual level...but when we are together I feel like a deer in headlights.
They started in on me about my memory...mind you, this is an EXTREMELY touchy subject for me. Since B, it has gotten progressively worse...this year being an all-time low...dr says it is in relation to the PCOS...I tried to explain to them, get them to back off, but, as is typical, this made the vultures more aggressive. Thankfully, I stopped...which leads them to stop. Why would it be fun if the injured animal doesn't fight back? Right? But Sunday, what a doozy of a day...no good reason, I went after hubby about his family...I mean, I will never get mine to change, so why not attack his? Very reasonable if you ask me...(Please note the sarcasm)... I basically stayed in bed all day. I got up to call my friend, make some lunch, and relocate to the couch so B could watch a movie...it was about mid-afternoon before I could think about what I was so gloomy for... Okay...so why am I the only abnormal one out of my sisters? Why was I blessed with the scoliosis, bursitis, PCOS? Does that make sense? Not to me. Not that I would wish any of them on my sisters, because I would never in a million years.
But why do I have to have it? I guess this is what my online friends refer to as the solidarity of the disease...no one can understand it unless they have it. I would give a lot if one morning, I could wake up from a normal nights sleep and feel awesome...okay, not even awesome, great. It is so hard to have little to no sleep, get up, be in pain, go throughout your day trying to act normal, come home and take care of B, try to relax, go to bed and start the cycle all over.
Meanwhile, I have been instructed to lose weight...ummm, how would you like me to do that? Okay...realistically, I mess up. I overindulge, I will admit it. But, I really do not eat much the rest of the time...it's almost funny. I tend to eat the most when I am in front of people...I figure, they think I'm fat because I eat too much, so, I'll prove them right and overeat! Like at my parents, I had steak (I'm usually a vegetarian! ), a ton of veggies, a piece of bread, a stuffed tomato with rice, and followed it with a huge piece of cake and ice cream...oh yeah, I had chips and dip beforehand. Please note, like I said, I don't eat meat...I stay away from carbs, I don't eat tortilla chips...and I don't particularly like ice cream. But, I gave everyone else peace of mind by overeating and letting them continue in their thoughts that if I didn't eat so much I would actually lose weight.
Yesterday, it struck me. Why do I try? Why am I at Weight Watchers? Everyone who knows about PCOS says the same thing, it isn't your fault, you can't help the extra weight, nothing you do will help ...but what am I supposed to do? Give up? The GP said I should be thankful I've been trying...who knows what size I would be if I hadn't...um, THANKFUL ?! Yeah, I'm really thankful I'm only 50+ instead of 100+ lbs overweight. But, it does scare me...what if I do stop trying so hard? Will I gain another ton? Yesterday was a really bad low, I have to admit. I was two seconds away from running to the store to buy out all the crap food I haven't been eating...the only thing that stopped me was my own stench from not showering. But, seriously, do I just give up the hope that I will ever be a normal size? Now that hubby's dad and brother both have boats, do I feign fear of water?
Yeah...life is good. I won't renew WW after I'm done. It's a waste of money. And as much as I hate to admit defeat, I hate wasting money more. One of my friends wants to do yoga, so I'll do that...better use of money. I guess I should just resolve to be as healthy as possible. This isn't really in my control...the getting pregnant, losing my memory, weight gain, etc. But I can help myself...I could really help myself by not being obsessed. But it's hard not to... 
