  Okay...so can we say the holidays are a tad depressing? My LORD! I'm okay...really...just in a funk. Hey, ladies...I'm just bummed so I need to spout off...don't mind me, LOL! I think it is a yearly tradition for me to go into depression around B's birthday...what a great mom I am.
I just can't get past the desperate desire to have another baby...last week! So, when Brennan's birthday comes, I feel like I am getting further away from the "ideal" timeline for two kids. If it doesn't happen next year, I seriously don't know if we will still try. And then, there is B. At his party, my friends one year old was there tormenting him, so I though "whew, maybe he will stop asking for a sibling because of this"...ummm, wrong. Last night we were on the couch reading a story ("Polar Express"), this child gets to choose the first present of the season...B says, I would say I want a baby sister. I'm crying just thinking about it...he has gone from saying he wants one, to asking why we don't...and the best I can come up with is "because this is how God made our family". I'm sure I must be so convincing. My heart is breaking and I feel like his is too. To top it off, my sister in law was at the party...she is 14 weeks along and of course that is all everyone wanted to talk about...I thought I had prepared myself for it...I didn't do a good job.
I couldn't even look at her when she came into the house. Then my father in law said it was me and hubby's turn for another one, I just looked at him. He said "I don't even get a response"...rather than burst into tears or rip his head off (or both!
LOL) I just shook my head. I think they forget they we, well I, have issues... I would be angry...but I am too tired...I hate this, I hate PCOS, I hate it, hate it, hate it...I just want to curl up under the covers and hide. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of not being able to sleep, I'm tired of not having a normal body, I'm tired of the aches and pains, I'm tired of the hair, I'm tired of the memory loss, I'm tired of the acne, I'm tired of the weight, I'm tired of the meds, I'm tired of people in my life forgetting...I'm just really really exhausted from all of this...and not convinced it will get better.
to top it all off I am freezing my butt off...well I guess that could be a good thing, lol...it is snowing here and I am cold...has anyone else noticed an unusual sensitivity to cold? Literally, I used to be able to go throughout winter without wearing a coat...now I am sitting at my desk and I have yet to take my coat off...I'm cold!!!
I'm sorry if this was depressing...I'm fine, I'll be fine...I just have to try harder to find the silver lining and right now it is covered in snow...ha! Take care, dears~S 
