  Wow...I can't believe so much time has gone by with nothing to say! Okay...not really, but I have been trying to do some soul searching and changing. I have come to the conclusion that my hubby is my hubby and I love him in spite of it. He is who he is and may never change. I used to think that I would divorce and leave...but I don't want that. I truly cannot imagine my life without him and do not want to have a family in which he isn't there. So, I have given up being angry at him...I am still hurt, I probably will always wonder what it was that caused the dramatic shift in behavior, but I don't think that I will ever have that answer. But I do not want to add him to one of the long list of people that have exited my life. So, we have had a few heart wrenching conversations...and in the past 2-3 weeks, we have been trying.
It is not always easy, and for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I have successfully biten my tongue and OUCH did it hurt. But, it is better to ward off the nasty comments then to ensue a WWIII. My mother-in-law is a certified nut bag and has shown her true colors. She called me and without going into gory details, tried to get my goat. Thankfully, the soul change had begun beforehand and I did not let her steal my goat.
So, she was unsuccessful and then tried to back pedal. Too late...you have already shown that you are trying to get me upset and when it didn't work she came kissing my butt. Well, two can play but I prefer not to. I will be appropriate and, when need arises, remind her that she must be also. Hubby agreed that he needs to support me and that I need to feel free to stand up for myself. My friends and pseudo-friends excluded me...it hurt, but it shows you who your real friends are. And, now, I just ask myself, why do I continue into the same trap of caring so much what others think of me? I need to accept myself...my hubby needs to like me...and B needs to like me. That's it. I really need to get beyond these juvenile things and find friends who will uplift me also.
My family...haven't talked to the sis in AGES. She is the one relationship that I absolutely regret...I cannot tell you how awesome it was to finally have someone who comes from the same place that can understand you more than anyone else who has come along. I'm so worried about her...and part of it is my fault, because I backed off and maybe I shouldn't have.
I didn't know what else to do. I miss her like crazy but don't know how to extend the arm...i'm a chicken, what can I say. We used to email and talk...now nothing...nothing since I left the island. anyway...before I cry... So, life has taken its unexpected turn of events...and like usual, there are times I totally mishandled it and times where I can be proud of myself. Damn... 
