  VARMINT CONG RE-INFILTRATE WASHINGTON! A beaver urlLink has been spotted in the Tidal Basin 4 years after a family of terroristic beavers urlLink wreaked havoc upon the basin's cherry trees until captured and moved humanely to an undisclosed location in Rock Creek Park. The Park Service, which had an embarrasingly hard time catching the wily critters last time, had better do a better job of capturing this varmint. The Bush Administration, unlike those pansies from the last Administration, has no tolerance for these terrorists. No negotiations. No coddling. The U.S. government needs to take a firm stand here, at the Tidal Basin, before other important bodies of water in downtown Washington begin to fall to the Commie beavers. They have already made one known attack this week - by letting a dam fail in Michigan, the fundamentalist beavers urlLink derailed a CSX freight train .
If we dont push them back here, right now, beavers could be in the Reflecting Pool next week. They could climb the fence and attack the White House - it is partly wood, after all. I think Bill Murray captured the attitude that needs to be taken best in urlLink Caddyshack , where he said: To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case [the] enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence .
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We face a resilient enemy, willing to wait years until our defenses have softened. We must strike now, and strike hard; we must shock and awe the beavers if we are ever to truly deter them from attacking our precious cherry trees. And don't stop visiting the Tidal Basin due to fear of the beavers. If we do that, then the terroristic beavers have already won. 
