  so tired, stayed up chatting and playing urlLink this game . had a great time in ny, will be on the train in about six hours. yay. **** had some good time of thinking, studying, meditating, but I wonder... for what? even with accountability, I did the same thing tonight. granted, I got a lot of studying done during the day, but i could have done even more. seriously, one of the harshest things God is teaching me this year is that there is such a dichotomy between my great ideas and reality .
I guess that means my ideas aren't so great, after all. it calls to mind how, when we were all kids, we'd read bible stories and watch cartoons about some hero being faced with a situation and making a wrong decision. we'd all say, "don't, you stupid! I would have totally done it the right way! " but now that we've grown up for me hardly. actually, i'm still pretty immature we are starting to see that it's not so black and white. i make the stupid decisions over and over again, and i can just see some distant observer saying, "stupid tim, you know what you're doing is wrong, why are you still doing it?
" God, saturate me from the outside in with Your nutrients of the soil in which You've planted me. Cover me with Your righteousness and salvation, because there is nothing in me that is righteous. give me the will to say, "No," and to appeal to Hope instead of Fear. Christ, you are my only Hope. 
