  "Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise . The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy. I am not now speaking of what would be ordinarily called unsuccessful marriages, or holidays, or learned careers. I am speaking of the best possible ones. There was something we grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality .
I think everyone knows what I mean. The wife may be a good wife, and the hotels and the scenery may have been excellent, and chemistry may be a very interesting job: but something has evaded us . " [pg 135, Mere Christianity] Clive Staples Lewis, you've pinned down my psyche. urlLink Essays by Stan Wooh . In the section labeled "The Call for Community," Stan touches on points that have been haunting me of late (see my post on 10/2/2002 9:09:35 PM). Stan, your writings always impress me.
(hey, at least someone got something out of his major (writing seminars) during college. ) **** I budgeted things so that I would have at least $100 left in my account after paying for bills and buying a bike. However, I found that there is a mysterious amount of about $130 missing, and I think it's due to Sprint. They're overcharging me. Yep. I think I'm going to have to fight them, yet again.
Still having misgivings about Ph.D. After the events of this past year, I'm wondering, how do I mess up every attempt to establish a romantic relationship? The same exact thing has always happened ever since high school. Girl of interest and I become friends, I find that it's one-sided, oh well, let's just be friends, or, let's just make new ones. Every single person. And I always get comments like, "You'll make a good husband", "You're a nice, sensitive, caring person". It's quite humorous, in the sadistic sense.
I always seem to place myself in situations where I end up getting burned. Well, I'm pretty much set in not really looking any more, at least for a while. This is just too much for me to care about anymore, and if I look now, it'll just be rebound. Life is still good, in many ways, and yes, I can't complain. I'm still being lazy and irresponsible in many ways, as well, and it seems that God's teaching me to start focusing on Him, so that I stop being such. All of these past events have been pointing to my New Year's resolution/prayer request, that I learn to love God more realistically and more meaningfully than ever before.
He's been supplying the answers, but in the ways that I had least expected or wanted. Even though I have hope, I am still generally unhappy with who and where I am. Why? Why do I have such a weak grasp of my standing and benefits in Christ? Again, I'm brought back to the issue of Ph.D. What is it that I am to do? **** FYI, urlLink the homeless guy I have linked up urlLink is really homeless . 
