  "Your account has been CLOSED. " That message scrolled up as I attempted to sign in at eden.rutgers.edu for the last time. So ends my connection to Rutgers; I technically still have a month left to decide to go back without having to reapply, but why would I want to? It was a miserable educational experience. The fellow graduate students were cool, but in the end, they weren't the reason for my studies. With the symbolic closing of my Rutgers chapter, I sit and observe the challenges before me. I failed at answering these questions beforehand, and they are the same ones that brought me down.
Who am I? In what shall I place my hope? How do I keep my hope alive? How could I amplify the pursuit of my desires, so that they'll overshadow the obstacles of self-condemnation and depression ? Am I this weak because of my diminutive size growing up? Did that factor make peers look down upon me? Did that factor induce a Napolean complex, as I tried overcompensate my weakness by asserting my mental superiority over my peers? Maybe these things form the roots of my crippling self-criticism. I'm trying to find solutions. 
