  Random memories of me being bad in childhood: 1) In second grade, a friend and I were watching a riveting game of Battleship going on on top of a green metal box in of the courtyards of our apartment complex. I realized that it was time to go, but my friend wouldn't budge. I got angry, you see, because I was his ride home. Back then we rode in two on our bikes; if we didn't have pegs, the second person sat on the bar right behind the handlebars. So, since he wouldn't budge from watching the other kids play, I couldn't leave without him. I pleaded, I tugged, but he kept brushing me away.
He didn't listen to reason, and my patience grew thin. In anger, I walked my bike about ten yards away, got on, and rode the bike straight into his back. 2) Around the same time period, the neighborhood kids and I were playing Thundercats. I chose to be Tigra, because he had the cool whip and could turn invisible. I took up a long nylon jump rope with plastic handles, and proceeded to whip someone with it. 3) In fifth grade, I was at a friend's sleepover.
It was fun and clean until it was late at night, and the parents were asleep. The friends decided, in excitement, to show me the sex scenes in Lethal Weapon II because I was the only one in the group that had not seen a naked woman. I think the beginnings of the sinful way of handling lust began during this period of life. Around that time, all the guys wanted to talk about 'who's hot' and female anatomy in vernacular terms. I recall a rainy day where one kid excitedly came into the classroom with a soggy, graphic cover of a XXX video. I didn't know that all of this was not a Godly way to view females or sex, until about a year later.
**** A constant struggle: It dismays me that I am so easily influenced by those around me. I pick up expressions, ways of thinking, sentiments, etc. too quickly and deeply. I lose my identity. It reveals the weak will that I have. It is because of this flaw and other personality traits that I connect with Peter so much. He was passionate, emotional, and scared of people's opinions. I have to make sure that I don't leave all of this introspection hanging, lest it be meaningless and a prime exercise of self-pity. What do all of these episodes reveal? Leaving extreme passion unchecked causes me to do extreme things; if I am being self-righteous, I do very self-righteous things. If I am caught up with my fantasies, I can do things that may negatively impact others. There are many roots of the ungodly ways I sometimes handle lust. There is a lot of uprooting I still have to do. I fear others' opinions too much. Other people end up having more authority than I do, let alone the amount that God has over my life.
In other words, I listen to my body more than I listen to God. More to what I feel and see, than to the call of sanctification. It is good that these things can be seen, so that the effectiveness of the Gospel will be seen more clearly when I continue to go through the cleansing process. God, renew, and cleanse. 
