  Up until the moment I went up to speak, I kept thinking, "Even with all this preparation, it feels like I have no idea what I'm going to say. " But, it's over now. That night really drained me; I notice that whenever I do this sort of thing, all of my energy is sapped out afterwards. I'm still trying to recover. But, enough about me. Every day of working with the children and teens in my church is always a big lesson about how God is working with us.
They don't understand why they have to do certain tasks or be nice or etc., just like we don't understand why we have to be in our respective jobs or places in life. This is an under-developed thought, sorry. Estoy muy cansado. (I'm very tired). **** Biochem exam is in two days. So, I'm here in the College Ave. library, 8:40 PM on a Sunday night, about to start studying for it.
But my eyes are already drooping, I know that within 20 minutes I'll be falling asleep. :-) **** I'm still thinking about "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. " The strangest thing has been happening the past two days: the pain isn't there any more. It just stopped. I'm not so sure why God brought this about, maybe so that I can get focused with yesterday's speaking engagement. However, it's starting to creep back in again.
I'm still determined to resist and not let it control me, but it's strange how these feelings have a life of their own. **** Kids go through a lot, and they have such strange, complicated social lives. At least, the ones in my church do. I'm hoping that they can really get the Gospel, and learn how it can help them start demonstrating more care for each other. These kids have such a large capacity for it, if only they can see that. I'm starting to see the real difference it makes when parents try their best to raise kids with Godly principles.
Those kids tend to be a lot more caring and humble and obedient. They're not perfect, but they're definitely a lot easier to work with, a lot more pure and trustworthy at heart. **** It humiliates me more that as I see what kind of person I am. I'm really not that rational, not nearly as rational as I had hoped/perceived/projected/wanted myself to be. How shameful it is to see the reality that one is controlled more by one's emotions. How can this change?
Or do I accept things the way they are... then see me go through life as if it's a constant roller coaster? See me handing everything in late, doing things last minute, because I can't have the will to keep saying "no" to what I feel like doing at the moment? 
